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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

#5021178
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56404) - you deserved it (21816)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

#5016488
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39673) - you deserved it (5385)

On 09/03/2009 at 6:19am - kids - by Annoymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

#5015419
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37582) - you deserved it (5611)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:23am - love - by aftermath1991 (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#5013382
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (40035)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:54am - misc - by FenderBender (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML

#5012990
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39062) - you deserved it (8025)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:37am - kids - by eagerbeaver (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

#5003582
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19045) - you deserved it (30880)

On 09/02/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Math_Rocker (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML

#5002532
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40892) - you deserved it (17746)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

#5001018
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39542) - you deserved it (3742)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm - work - by iceman123432 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

#4996993
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44051) - you deserved it (6145)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:12am - work - by hoboman (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

#4994251
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20971) - you deserved it (8144)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:41am - intimacy - by Mdrk783 (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42807) - you deserved it (3413)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22843) - you deserved it (6216)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

#4990869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39516) - you deserved it (5704)

On 09/02/2009 at 12:29am - work - by Joel (man) - United States (California)



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