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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

#3718923
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10945) - you deserved it (52745)

On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

#3713033
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43836) - you deserved it (3657)

On 07/13/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

#3712124
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54675) - you deserved it (3927)

On 07/13/2009 at 7:16am - intimacy - by RDMdragoon (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while eating a Subway sandwich, I was watching a comedian on TV. As he said his signature line, I laughed hysterically and accidentally snorted a jalapeño into my nose. I spent the next 5 minutes trying to snort out the little piece that got lodged into my nostril. FML

#3708472
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34914) - you deserved it (11416)

On 07/13/2009 at 2:17am - misc - by zombielover1 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

#3692539
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45727) - you deserved it (11501)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84116) - you deserved it (13033)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

#3690110
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8490) - you deserved it (52574)

On 07/12/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by divineinstrument (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

#3686221
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9405) - you deserved it (71738)

On 07/12/2009 at 3:07am - health - by Best-stuf-on-Earth (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

#3685752
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47758) - you deserved it (10409)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:45am - love - by nameless (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

#3684210
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69692) - you deserved it (12244)

On 07/12/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

#3681487
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51117) - you deserved it (2260)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

#3669335
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48090) - you deserved it (7975)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by policeopenup (man) - United States (Texas)



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