Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I asked my friend who is a fashion major why she didn't want to use me as a model for her senior project. She said my boobs were too big. I doubt it'd have been an issue if I were a girl. FML

by fatty / 01/23/2010 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I told a girl she was beautiful on the inside and out. She still didn't sleep with me. FML

by MackeyBoy / 01/23/2010 at 1:15pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

by Moondoggie_ggk69 / 01/23/2010 at 12:53pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 11:14am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

by oldschool / 01/22/2010 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2010 at 7:10pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

by ponyboy / 01/22/2010 at 5:41pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

by hoody / 01/22/2010 at 5:27pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

by S.Bunny / 01/22/2010 at 3:14am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

by Rodrigeuz26 / 01/22/2010 at 2:26am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

by iluvjenknee / 01/22/2010 at 1:26am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work