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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

#5288482
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35943) - you deserved it (19613)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:21am - misc - by BluesMan1990 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

#5287985
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53653) - you deserved it (2997)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by dj163 (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML

#5287091
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53593) - you deserved it (2726)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:34am - love - by OhDamn (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

#5285675
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11425) - you deserved it (37302)

On 09/16/2009 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

#5279131
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44291) - you deserved it (2105)

On 09/15/2009 at 7:39pm - work - by bonedregardless (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

#5276365
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45785) - you deserved it (10193)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:32pm - work - by stillwaiting (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62041) - you deserved it (3562)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

#5272541
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38493) - you deserved it (3065)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Stuckism (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

#5270007
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11303) - you deserved it (48891)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by publicenemy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my piano teacher told me that she "forgot" to inform me that she volunteered me to play a 5 page song in a recital in front of 300 people that's happening next week. FML

#5267545
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35238) - you deserved it (2927)

On 09/15/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by pianonerd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

#5267039
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39785) - you deserved it (2730)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:35am - work - by Backseatseller (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML

#5251989
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42538) - you deserved it (6072)

On 09/14/2009 at 2:54pm - love - by UnluckyArtist (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

#5249828
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11728) - you deserved it (64262)

On 09/14/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by CWoah (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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