Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

by bagadigi / 10/27/2016 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

by Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen / 10/26/2016 at 11:19pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 1:06am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

by uhmwow / 10/24/2016 at 8:50pm / Work

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

by thinking of military school / 10/23/2016 at 4:35pm / Miscellaneous

Today, on my 18th birthday, I was mugged by 6 guys who beat the shit out of me and stole my phone and wallet. They could've just asked. FML

Today, I finished a 700-page book for my law exam. It was the wrong book. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2016 at 6:12am / Pakistan (Punjab) / Work

Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step daughter because she likes Star Wars. He stated that Star Trek was better and went on to verbally attack a 6-year-old. FML

by Sarge9774 / 10/20/2016 at 4:35pm / Kids

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

by Kay / 10/20/2016 at 6:37am / Work

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

by greeter / 10/18/2016 at 2:49am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Work

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

by twicethepersonioncewas / 10/18/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

by JoeyTheJedi / 10/17/2016 at 8:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work