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Today, a customer complained that his earphones stopped properly functioning even though he bought them less than a month ago. After checking them, I realised that there was so much earwax caked into them that it affected the sound quality. FML

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

#21418416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29501) - you deserved it (4532)

On 05/31/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by bonehead69 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

#21418362
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25732) - you deserved it (11529)

On 05/31/2015 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

#21417890
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24425) - you deserved it (2039)

On 05/30/2015 at 1:40am - love - by well then (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

#21417861
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27082) - you deserved it (2410)

On 05/30/2015 at 1:40am - love - by L_lives (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15259) - you deserved it (23451)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

#21417642
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26435) - you deserved it (2412)

On 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

#21417626
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28588) - you deserved it (2106)

On 05/29/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by probably single (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35944) - you deserved it (3088)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28685) - you deserved it (2394)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

#21416018
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26406) - you deserved it (2449)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:12am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

#21415900
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14417) - you deserved it (45743)

On 05/26/2015 at 2:54am - money - by stupid (man) - United States (California)



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