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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12507) - you deserved it (36216)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

#5651689
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11482) - you deserved it (31868)

On 10/04/2009 at 10:01pm - love - by danskinnow (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

#5651382
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8646) - you deserved it (54592)

On 10/04/2009 at 9:47pm - work - by BadStuden (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

#5645796
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37725) - you deserved it (3358)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by walker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

#5642401
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51538) - you deserved it (4482)

On 10/04/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by CapeRanger (man) - South Africa (Limpopo)

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

#5637685
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41270) - you deserved it (3645)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by backtosquareone (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

#5636942
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12286) - you deserved it (40934)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by Rizzle (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

#5634739
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5045) - you deserved it (16769)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

#5633791
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33767) - you deserved it (5546)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by wetandpantsless (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

#5622271
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40587) - you deserved it (5993)

On 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

#5605525
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35991) - you deserved it (3019)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

#5605398
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30898) - you deserved it (3213)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by dannyboy1422 (man) - United States (Texas)



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