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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

#4495233
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8249) - you deserved it (61117)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by oldtexas (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21674) - you deserved it (51170)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

#4492713
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44154) - you deserved it (5995)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:23am - love - by MexyBoy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100276) - you deserved it (4978)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53310) - you deserved it (19927)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

#4482607
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50508) - you deserved it (3511)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:14pm - work - by d.stack (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

#4479707
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59213) - you deserved it (2995)

On 08/12/2009 at 5:01pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

#4478498
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51788) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

#4476894
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19055) - you deserved it (37538)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML

#4467234
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55611) - you deserved it (3063)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:01am - love - by FUSMC (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

#4466050
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31093) - you deserved it (56876)

On 08/12/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

#4463161
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14136) - you deserved it (41877)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:34pm - kids - by SomeDJ (man) - United States (Arizona)



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