Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43713) - you deserved it (35535)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55732) - you deserved it (24211)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by Sal (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83049) - you deserved it (4512)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:20am - intimacy - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11240) - you deserved it (56867)
On 03/03/2009 at 9:55am - work - by Peter80 (man) - Netherlands (Limburg)
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22329) - you deserved it (110266)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33304) - you deserved it (12122)
On 03/02/2009 at 11:09pm - health - by AbsentMindedBoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29848) - you deserved it (25719)
On 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm - love - by badtrip (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37054) - you deserved it (5678)
On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10747) - you deserved it (80703)
On 03/02/2009 at 7:11pm - money - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50668) - you deserved it (8817)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14233) - you deserved it (50714)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Werner (man) - United States (California)
Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31371) - you deserved it (12899)
On 03/02/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by gr8terevil (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from our date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with "And you can find a nice Jewish boy there while you're there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48024) - you deserved it (3943)
On 03/02/2009 at 3:10am - love - by Not Jewish (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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