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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

#6610013
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23577) - you deserved it (5986)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:29am - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

#6605236
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34800) - you deserved it (7807)

On 12/04/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by olive_costume (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36385) - you deserved it (14173)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29166) - you deserved it (3224)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

#6599042
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7383) - you deserved it (44955)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by mainlaw (man) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

#6594028
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11888) - you deserved it (32736)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by wobbles (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

#6591482
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34686) - you deserved it (2667)

On 12/03/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by holla1787 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

#6590388
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52520) - you deserved it (2330)

On 12/03/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

#6589221
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38545) - you deserved it (4185)

On 12/03/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Sub (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

#6584948
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38684) - you deserved it (2454)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by SatelliteUser (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

#6583766
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11406) - you deserved it (40721)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

#6581083
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40756) - you deserved it (2642)

On 12/03/2009 at 6:34am - love - by fmldr (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

#6580357
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30673) - you deserved it (38131)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08am - work - by WTFFAIL (man) - United States (New York)



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