Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

#4228843
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53426) - you deserved it (2774)

On 08/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by kashish0711 (man) - India (Chandigarh)

Today, I missed my flight. Why? My niece thought it would be funny to empty out my suitcase and hide inside. FML

#4226931
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48967) - you deserved it (3310)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Korea Republic of (Inch'on-jikhalsi)

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

#4224204
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10158) - you deserved it (66792)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

#4222573
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48938) - you deserved it (5416)

On 08/02/2009 at 2:11am - love - by Devin (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

#4222562
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44441) - you deserved it (3657)

On 08/02/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18246) - you deserved it (44021)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66909) - you deserved it (15317)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

#4200771
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39709) - you deserved it (7279)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:23am - intimacy - by Glassjaw (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

#4196733
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56281) - you deserved it (2351)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

#4192462
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62952) - you deserved it (4010)

On 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm - work - by mandy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

#4180457
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50560) - you deserved it (5760)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

#4179768
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48375) - you deserved it (2168)

On 07/31/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by roofer (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

#4179719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63097) - you deserved it (6483)

On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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