Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58696) - you deserved it (2832)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65533) - you deserved it (11957)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

#4328474
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24733) - you deserved it (38182)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

#4324727
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45862) - you deserved it (3190)

On 08/06/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Lawrence (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

#4306475
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116104) - you deserved it (4586)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19711) - you deserved it (40817)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

#4297624
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46452) - you deserved it (2083)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - money - by familydisaster (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

#4294865
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57551) - you deserved it (2878)

On 08/04/2009 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on Ebay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML

#4293137
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39271) - you deserved it (10357)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:37pm - money - by DiskJockey (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML

#4288401
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49829) - you deserved it (6395)

On 08/04/2009 at 6:12pm - misc - by bigryngf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML

#4286858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (16287)

On 08/04/2009 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Hopelesslover (man) - Malta



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: