Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

#4179719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63061) - you deserved it (6478)

On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML

#4173931
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10167) - you deserved it (44163)

On 07/31/2009 at 1:25am - work - by pisspantsjob (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

#4173235
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44392) - you deserved it (2847)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML

#4172505
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38330) - you deserved it (2520)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:30pm - work - by LMN (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

#4158714
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46159) - you deserved it (4049)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52893) - you deserved it (3589)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57202) - you deserved it (17200)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40434) - you deserved it (26222)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

#4156850
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34772) - you deserved it (2932)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

#4156027
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53371) - you deserved it (3148)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He believes strongly in "first impressions." FML

#4153520
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38458) - you deserved it (5935)

On 07/30/2009 at 3:20am - love - by LevKin (man) - Canada (Quebec) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

#4151935
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7646) - you deserved it (78483)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by FGum (man) - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

#4151663
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13204) - you deserved it (45290)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew



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