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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

#5908377
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5769) - you deserved it (41461)

On 10/20/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by gunman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

#5903153
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23081) - you deserved it (3780)

On 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by JohnB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

#5902107
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34693) - you deserved it (8277)

On 10/19/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

#5896652
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29715) - you deserved it (7184)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by ThePidgeon (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

#5895637
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27281) - you deserved it (3476)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Geez (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

#5892629
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46248) - you deserved it (9491)

On 10/19/2009 at 4:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

#5892074
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47676) - you deserved it (2907)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Indonesia (Jawa Timur)

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

#5891401
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36200) - you deserved it (3922)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:08am - work - by worldsbestjobgonebad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

#5890926
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48052) - you deserved it (2753)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:34am - love - by Ryanissaur (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

#5889966
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22201) - you deserved it (2682)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Joe (man) - Cambodia (Phnum Penh)

Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML

#5888357
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40146) - you deserved it (2258)

On 10/18/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by NUsConstantine (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

#5878070
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27857) - you deserved it (14508)

On 10/18/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by Xia (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML



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