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Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

#3080092
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13190) - you deserved it (39191)

On 06/21/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Crispy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

#3073543
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53370) - you deserved it (14857)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

#3069493
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48739) - you deserved it (5151)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by groom (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

#3068602
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59267) - you deserved it (3218)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

#3055426
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11777) - you deserved it (83793)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

#3053433
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38126) - you deserved it (4274)

On 06/20/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by DesDri (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

#3051182
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32788) - you deserved it (9310)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:47am - misc - by mk (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

#3050624
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42013) - you deserved it (1794)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:28am - health - by sleepless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

#3046159
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10761) - you deserved it (47711)

On 06/19/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by pinkplasticjesus (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

#3042247
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50761) - you deserved it (5927)

On 06/19/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by thissucks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

#3038702
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11900) - you deserved it (38035)

On 06/19/2009 at 6:48pm - misc - by popemichael (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

#3036778
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36258) - you deserved it (4527)

On 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

#3030718
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40359) - you deserved it (5804)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)



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