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Man or woman?

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

#6018223
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (8216)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:45am - kids - by Chub (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

#6010579
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8485) - you deserved it (38781)

On 10/26/2009 at 6:18pm - love - by P4ntless (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

#6009971
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35593) - you deserved it (3142)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by meagainsttheworld (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

#6006091
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40063) - you deserved it (5538)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:42pm - animals - by K.H (man) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

#6005073
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (31849)

On 10/26/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

#6001058
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18240) - you deserved it (9655)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Brian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

#5996462
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37338) - you deserved it (4725)

On 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

#5993337
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44641) - you deserved it (3589)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

#5988986
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (4249)

On 10/25/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by HoShiz (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

#5984372
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16316) - you deserved it (27292)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Badday (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

#5978415
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35964) - you deserved it (14273)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

#5975036
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36601) - you deserved it (6755)

On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36787) - you deserved it (9460)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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