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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14396) - you deserved it (25177)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

#6804423
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31677) - you deserved it (10392)

On 12/18/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Ryan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

#6803548
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5726) - you deserved it (77224)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Shocked (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (4444)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

#6792843
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32600) - you deserved it (3563)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by gotthewrongman (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

#6792235
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14251) - you deserved it (52351)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30599) - you deserved it (2446)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

#6786909
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41988) - you deserved it (2891)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:00am - money - by exchange (man) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you deserved it (11938)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

#6781373
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44769) - you deserved it (2443)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm - love - by cheezmaster (man) - United States (California)

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#6779771
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12042) - you deserved it (32458)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

#6779540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30848) - you deserved it (6240)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)



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