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Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

#4703567
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34442) - you deserved it (6654)

On 08/21/2009 at 5:27am - health - by tryingatkins (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

#4702717
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40776) - you deserved it (5857)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:06am - love - by tacoboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

#4698361
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (2901)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:52am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58763) - you deserved it (3401)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, it was my first day of school as a freshman. I soon became lost and decided to ask a senior for directions to my class. They smiled at me and said "It's on the third floor to the right." After ten minutes of walking up and down stairs and hallways, I discovered there is no third floor. FML

#4690268
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27887) - you deserved it (19088)

On 08/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

#4682415
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50743) - you deserved it (3968)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

#4680199
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37355) - you deserved it (17579)

On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41925) - you deserved it (2652)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

#4677769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38132) - you deserved it (4796)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18716) - you deserved it (45631)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML

#4673205
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9452) - you deserved it (91904)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

#4673075
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59817) - you deserved it (10362)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by shitforchris (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

#4662087
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52117) - you deserved it (7011)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by kneesarethenewdesk (man) - United Kingdom (York)



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