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Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

#4275637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43512) - you deserved it (18885)

On 08/04/2009 at 3:55am - love - by Ouchithurt (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

#4272437
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14344) - you deserved it (48872)

On 08/04/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by jkon (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML

#4270687
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (7040)

On 08/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by just_a_bit_akwRd (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59133) - you deserved it (8773)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

#4267489
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38417) - you deserved it (2472)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:36pm - love - by Brandon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

#4260917
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45197) - you deserved it (3726)

On 08/03/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Stung (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML

#4256905
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51798) - you deserved it (2729)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Tyler (man) - United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

#4256639
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51728) - you deserved it (6281)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

#4255105
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44350) - you deserved it (3561)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm - work - by Azcrazy (man) - United States

Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

#4239314
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46241) - you deserved it (5882)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63147) - you deserved it (5112)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)



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