Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML

#6136343
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32618) - you deserved it (2497)

On 11/03/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by RedLion23 (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I am partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

#6136055
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33462) - you deserved it (1775)

On 11/03/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

#6132139
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41312) - you deserved it (4478)

On 11/03/2009 at 6:02am - money - by I_Lossed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

#6131025
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40978) - you deserved it (2850)

On 11/03/2009 at 2:24am - love - by whysheheartless (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

#6129254
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30232) - you deserved it (1656)

On 11/02/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

#6122684
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17790) - you deserved it (38878)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by Rman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

#6122066
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10045) - you deserved it (31749)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by konichiwa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

#6118642
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9366) - you deserved it (37174)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

#6118488
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31001) - you deserved it (3065)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

#6116974
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26164) - you deserved it (4747)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

#6116013
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45403) - you deserved it (2923)

On 11/02/2009 at 6:05am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

#6114528
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32047) - you deserved it (2618)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:47am - health - by theRoomie (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

#6113652
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26558) - you deserved it (3502)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)



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