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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#5013382
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9438) - you deserved it (38640)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:54am - misc - by FenderBender (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML

#5012990
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38943) - you deserved it (8012)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:37am - kids - by eagerbeaver (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

#5003582
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18973) - you deserved it (30787)

On 09/02/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Math_Rocker (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML

#5002532
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39731) - you deserved it (17354)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

#5001018
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39369) - you deserved it (3730)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm - work - by iceman123432 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

#4996993
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42569) - you deserved it (5975)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:12am - work - by hoboman (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

#4994251
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18821) - you deserved it (7700)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:41am - intimacy - by Mdrk783 (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42641) - you deserved it (3402)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22686) - you deserved it (6204)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

#4990869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38101) - you deserved it (5530)

On 09/02/2009 at 12:29am - work - by Joel (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

#4983911
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43243) - you deserved it (2624)

On 09/01/2009 at 8:04pm - health - by Misterhippo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

#4983449
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9170) - you deserved it (36744)

On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

#4978107
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43912) - you deserved it (8220)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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