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Man or woman?

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

#6166479
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28807) - you deserved it (2570)

On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

#6160580
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6324) - you deserved it (28985)

On 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Metime (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

#6158191
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32263) - you deserved it (3020)

On 11/04/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by RKE (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

#6152336
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27457) - you deserved it (4131)

On 11/04/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on web cam to my girlfriend who was naked. She turned the web cam to point to the screen for a second and she was also on web cam with another guy. FML

#6151203
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26384) - you deserved it (2948)

On 11/04/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by angry (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

#6148515
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (11991)

On 11/04/2009 at 7:56am - work - by mylifeisfed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

#6147856
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36924) - you deserved it (2298)

On 11/04/2009 at 5:12am - misc - by burned (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had an appointment with a psychotherapist. I was feeling very depressed and was telling her how I felt no one cared about me. Her phone rang and she left me mid-sentence to take a call about her new BMW. FML

#6145491
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32628) - you deserved it (3490)

On 11/04/2009 at 12:10am - health - by troubled (man) - United States (California)

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#6137228
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27100) - you deserved it (2434)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by buckid310 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML

#6136343
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32614) - you deserved it (2496)

On 11/03/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by RedLion23 (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I am partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

#6136055
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33459) - you deserved it (1775)

On 11/03/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

#6132139
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41310) - you deserved it (4478)

On 11/03/2009 at 6:02am - money - by I_Lossed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

#6131025
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39687) - you deserved it (2761)

On 11/03/2009 at 2:24am - love - by whysheheartless (man) - United States (Oregon)



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