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Man or woman?

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

#4950389
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43918) - you deserved it (10992)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:54am - love - by crawfo (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45601) - you deserved it (13796)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

#4944535
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41109) - you deserved it (2476)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Notabum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23878) - you deserved it (7571)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

#4942849
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38926) - you deserved it (5810)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm - misc - by LGFLIPSTER (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

#4941541
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29280) - you deserved it (4705)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by Robbins (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

#4939837
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29298) - you deserved it (3446)

On 08/30/2009 at 9:56pm - work - by Pissssd (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

#4927386
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13995) - you deserved it (39308)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Mirroronthewall (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

#4926157
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36657) - you deserved it (2921)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:58am - misc - by hihipanda (man) - Singapore

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

#4925971
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31811) - you deserved it (39827)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15919) - you deserved it (56441)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

#4922753
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8768) - you deserved it (58544)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42524) - you deserved it (3384)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)



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