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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

#6065212
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20580) - you deserved it (2326)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:17am - intimacy - by frustrated (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

#6064494
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27248) - you deserved it (1751)

On 10/29/2009 at 11:35pm - work - by SM (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

#6056189
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6388) - you deserved it (39815)

On 10/29/2009 at 3:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

#6055815
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18797) - you deserved it (4727)

On 10/29/2009 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

#6053376
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10667) - you deserved it (53708)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8192) - you deserved it (113571)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

#6042161
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10043) - you deserved it (87984)

On 10/28/2009 at 5:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

#6040415
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8266) - you deserved it (34416)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

#6040297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34972) - you deserved it (2638)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Gw (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

#6039295
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29856) - you deserved it (8632)

On 10/28/2009 at 1:07pm - love - by thatguy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

#6030769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20782) - you deserved it (3518)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by timmynotjimmy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

#6028042
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46997) - you deserved it (2440)

On 10/27/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by dumped (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

#6027287
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7833) - you deserved it (41206)

On 10/27/2009 at 6:24pm - work - by nobodyreadsmyemails (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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