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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

#7005842
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13521) - you deserved it (30457)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:01am - work - by mylifesucks22 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave my 7 year old a snowglobe. I had spent the last week deconstructing it, putting an action figure of his favorite cartoon character inside, and then putting it back together. Later, I find it smashed into pieces because he wanted to "play with the toy it came with." FML

#6998138
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (6993)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

#6995956
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28881) - you deserved it (5036)

On 12/28/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by SpaceAstronaut (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

#6994925
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17769) - you deserved it (55336)

On 12/28/2009 at 3:41pm - love - by lovehurts (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the girl I like was panicking because her car broke down, so I offered her a lift to wherever she needed to be. I drove her to her boyfriend's house. She asked me to drive her home in the morning. FML

#6992183
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32447) - you deserved it (7041)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:17pm - love - by syco (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

#6992051
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7918) - you deserved it (24973)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by Spac3Ghost (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92151) - you deserved it (5280)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

#6989105
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10478) - you deserved it (36747)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

#6983877
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (3402)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the girl that I have been secretly madly in love with for 6 years told me "fuck off and stop doing nice things for me." FML

#6980347
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (9844)

On 12/27/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

#6976806
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47512) - you deserved it (3717)

On 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by notgoodenough38 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

#6970974
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32202) - you deserved it (2748)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

#6969489
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12784) - you deserved it (28376)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by Icy (man) - United States (Washington)



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