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Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

#3602440
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21104) - you deserved it (51806)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:21am - health - by Fattypatty (man) - United States (California)

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

#3601135
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9189) - you deserved it (35337)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:33am - work - by aireun (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55875) - you deserved it (6787)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

#3600648
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42982) - you deserved it (9490)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

#3591095
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43441) - you deserved it (5925)

On 07/08/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by disturbed2103 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I over drafted my account, and I ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is supposed to help me keep track of my money. FML

#3578702
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16164) - you deserved it (46344)

On 07/08/2009 at 10:37am - money - by jedd90 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

#3573001
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32009) - you deserved it (2332)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:49am - misc - by Benchthewarmer (man) - United States

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

#3572353
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (5271)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:21am - work - by mannnnn (man) -

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

#3570520
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37078) - you deserved it (9887)

On 07/08/2009 at 12:16am - love - by lonelyhubby (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

#3564614
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47179) - you deserved it (3652)

On 07/07/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by hopeless (man) - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

#3561385
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45354) - you deserved it (6615)

On 07/07/2009 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

#3555037
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10180) - you deserved it (59706)

On 07/07/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

#3553930
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19228) - you deserved it (202638)

On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)



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