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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

#4506160
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48441) - you deserved it (5481)

On 08/13/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by rick (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11229) - you deserved it (129252)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

#4498391
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46494) - you deserved it (2340)

On 08/13/2009 at 10:00am - money - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

#4495233
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8219) - you deserved it (60995)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by oldtexas (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21583) - you deserved it (51053)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

#4492713
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43897) - you deserved it (5974)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:23am - love - by MexyBoy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97651) - you deserved it (4794)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53145) - you deserved it (19885)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

#4482607
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49347) - you deserved it (3421)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:14pm - work - by d.stack (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

#4479707
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58384) - you deserved it (2935)

On 08/12/2009 at 5:01pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

#4478498
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51654) - you deserved it (7024)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

#4476894
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18424) - you deserved it (36565)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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