Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31207) - you deserved it (100913)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14167) - you deserved it (53636)
On 04/09/2009 at 1:04am - love - by skmusic (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (273) - you deserved it (4829)
On 04/08/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by intranator (man) - Jordan (Amman Governorate)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31522) - you deserved it (72060)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50602) - you deserved it (4452)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:08pm - animals - by redmethod87 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12916) - you deserved it (70869)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47651) - you deserved it (10268)
On 04/08/2009 at 8:49am - misc - by bkeiya (man) - Japan (Kanagawa)
Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39158) - you deserved it (16475)
On 04/08/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by MarcusJones713 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59688) - you deserved it (3604)
On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15784) - you deserved it (56367)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7147) - you deserved it (47080)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56197) - you deserved it (5087)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53542) - you deserved it (18159)
On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)
Monday 17 June 2013
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