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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

#5385782
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23929) - you deserved it (41023)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:02am - love - by anonymouss (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

#5383572
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7790) - you deserved it (56647)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by newlydumped (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

#5375758
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52858) - you deserved it (8848)

On 09/20/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by LovesHisHand (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

#5369923
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36585) - you deserved it (1950)

On 09/20/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by PoorCar (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

#5369029
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58833) - you deserved it (3574)

On 09/20/2009 at 9:21am - love - by dreamdude (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

#5364542
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36939) - you deserved it (5043)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:04am - love - by isuckatlyfe (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

#5359755
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37597) - you deserved it (2585)

On 09/19/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by elmalo68 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

#5361987
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23034) - you deserved it (7615)

On 09/19/2009 at 7:19pm - animals - by 909 (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

#5347133
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44917) - you deserved it (13928)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by josh (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

#5346939
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21635) - you deserved it (3048)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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