Today, I was working out out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16704) - you deserved it (55086)
On 03/30/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Mark (man) - United States
Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14195) - you deserved it (77558)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, a 7 year old girl came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193262) - you deserved it (18038)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (47105)
On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)
I agree, your life sucks (46572) - you deserved it (4554)
On 03/30/2009 at 12:39am - work - by Blah (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52035) - you deserved it (2815)
On 03/30/2009 at 12:13am - work - by beat10 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22563) - you deserved it (65032)
On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82) - you deserved it (16378)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15444) - you deserved it (46331)
On 03/29/2009 at 9:38am - money - by BrokeAsAJoke (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61543) - you deserved it (1909)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by murphslaw (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62528) - you deserved it (116578)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40336) - you deserved it (24444)
On 03/28/2009 at 8:13pm - misc - by thathurt (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106710) - you deserved it (7120)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by Michaelichael (man) - United States (Arizona)
Monday 20 May 2013
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