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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML

#4906491
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13824) - you deserved it (47830)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

#4905255
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46192) - you deserved it (4067)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:46pm - health - by mommy_issues (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

#4903891
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11813) - you deserved it (61634)

On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

#4902280
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46656) - you deserved it (2341)

On 08/29/2009 at 8:13am - misc - by Jonnyboo (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

#4897987
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38253) - you deserved it (2756)

On 08/29/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by chinesef000d (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

#4891405
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50326) - you deserved it (3329)

On 08/28/2009 at 8:59pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

#4886431
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37015) - you deserved it (2191)

On 08/28/2009 at 4:59pm - health - by dannyfanny (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

#4880927
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22856) - you deserved it (54156)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

#4880765
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48935) - you deserved it (2251)

On 08/28/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by wtfman101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

#4874504
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12995) - you deserved it (61378)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Dumbweed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

#4863125
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16261) - you deserved it (49120)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41266) - you deserved it (19444)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

#4856467
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42835) - you deserved it (2179)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by buzzzzkill (man) - United States (Illinois)



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