Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

#4847720
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (7621)

On 08/26/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by nofriends (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

#4844745
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57168) - you deserved it (7799)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:37pm - love - by lonelyboy101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

#4838689
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33640) - you deserved it (13144)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

#4835743
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43120) - you deserved it (3115)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by 1nfected (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

#4832941
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14091) - you deserved it (104469)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

#4829994
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65168) - you deserved it (4515)

On 08/26/2009 at 3:09am - love - by micahmatt (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

#4827023
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8838) - you deserved it (59849)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by brokennose (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out their cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML

#4813965
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36316) - you deserved it (10388)

On 08/25/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Cossack_Man (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

#4810431
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60979) - you deserved it (6419)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by Jeff (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML

#4807185
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39682) - you deserved it (11452)

On 08/25/2009 at 8:54am - love - by kalazoo21 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22705) - you deserved it (29967)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

#4805329
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55345) - you deserved it (9924)

On 08/25/2009 at 4:47am - intimacy - by 2yearsofHotSexThenThis (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air and thought to myself "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of my bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML

#4803979
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41454) - you deserved it (3877)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:47am - animals - by MrMagicMan000 (man) - United States (Illinois)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: