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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

#7198357
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41408) - you deserved it (2651)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by Sanchez (man) - United States

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

#7198019
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36346) - you deserved it (2845)

On 01/07/2010 at 11:50am - misc - by TJ (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

#7196823
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (28440)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:43am - misc - by Doomy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25685) - you deserved it (4021)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

#7192176
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23249) - you deserved it (3099)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:19am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67176) - you deserved it (3409)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML

#7181170
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36755) - you deserved it (2700)

On 01/06/2010 at 1:19pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

#7179468
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51196) - you deserved it (2527)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by driver (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

#7176423
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28772) - you deserved it (7426)

On 01/06/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Nox (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

#7170495
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26350) - you deserved it (4132)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm - work - by Mark (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

#7164815
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8451) - you deserved it (34638)

On 01/05/2010 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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