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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20583) - you deserved it (2885)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

#5701860
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (174888) - you deserved it (8960)

On 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by dinosaurman (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34374) - you deserved it (11280)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

#5698254
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24431) - you deserved it (11552)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:57am - animals - by ScaryOldMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

#5698156
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13428) - you deserved it (37150)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by shoeaddiikt (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

#5697763
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48592) - you deserved it (10907)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

#5695296
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39377) - you deserved it (2836)

On 10/07/2009 at 12:12am - money - by armenta427 (man) - United States

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

#5690935
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37156) - you deserved it (6356)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53524) - you deserved it (2566)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

#5686873
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34557) - you deserved it (30432)

On 10/06/2009 at 6:23pm - misc - by 3LLI0TT (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was in the shower I noticed a short, black hair on my loofa. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

#5685811
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you deserved it (7962)

On 10/06/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

#5682176
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32338) - you deserved it (7020)

On 10/06/2009 at 1:33pm - misc - by Crotch_Rocket_Rider (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22954) - you deserved it (2872)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)



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