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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27938) - you deserved it (35669)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

#7210467
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9548) - you deserved it (29588)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

#7207594
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30048) - you deserved it (5995)

On 01/07/2010 at 10:30pm - love - by DDubs (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30422) - you deserved it (3864)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

#7203534
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20319) - you deserved it (6802)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by SlappyMcGee (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25804) - you deserved it (4428)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

#7198357
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41404) - you deserved it (2651)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by Sanchez (man) - United States

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

#7198019
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36343) - you deserved it (2845)

On 01/07/2010 at 11:50am - misc - by TJ (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

#7196823
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (28440)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:43am - misc - by Doomy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25684) - you deserved it (4021)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

#7192176
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23245) - you deserved it (3098)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:19am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67171) - you deserved it (3409)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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