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Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

#5235406
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38844) - you deserved it (3719)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - kids - by Broeman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

#5228952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you deserved it (3999)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38862) - you deserved it (3068)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

#5225879
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29395) - you deserved it (9060)

On 09/13/2009 at 10:00am - misc - by superjstorm (man) - Philippines (Nueva Ecija)

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

#5222087
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29353) - you deserved it (12817)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:17am - health - by beaten (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

#5220953
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30076) - you deserved it (12202)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by footinmouth (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

#5217229
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38883) - you deserved it (15781)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:44pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (7097)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (3821)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

#5207725
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36266) - you deserved it (4830)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:35pm - animals - by ambulancedriver (man) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10271) - you deserved it (42190)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

#5203219
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30843) - you deserved it (7710)

On 09/12/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Lonely (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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