Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

by GrandmaShakers / 06/02/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

by mugged / 06/01/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

by AbFlab / 06/01/2010 at 12:35am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

by frgn8r / 05/31/2010 at 7:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

by FarisH / 05/31/2010 at 5:15am / Jordan (Amman Governorate) / Health

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

by Alexander / 05/30/2010 at 12:53pm / Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City) / Animals

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML

by BabyDaddy / 05/30/2010 at 4:05am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

by comfylap / 05/28/2010 at 7:30pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

by TheSickness / 05/28/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 2:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous