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Man or woman?

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

#6221127
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28973) - you deserved it (2498)

On 11/08/2009 at 11:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

#6217661
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9437) - you deserved it (45660)

On 11/08/2009 at 8:08pm - kids - by Dan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

#6217069
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40222) - you deserved it (3924)

On 11/08/2009 at 7:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

#6209911
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7227) - you deserved it (47919)

On 11/08/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Cakeman (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14468) - you deserved it (38202)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

#6200798
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38026) - you deserved it (2233)

On 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm - health - by oldlady (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

#6195343
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47018) - you deserved it (4261)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm - misc - by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

#6193118
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38091) - you deserved it (4810)

On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my mom came up to the school to give me some money and a few water bottles for my friends and me for soccer practice. Before she left, I said "bye", then I realized my 2-year-old brother waving bye to me. So I bent down through the window to kiss him. As I did, my mom moved the car. It still hurts. FML

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11190) - you deserved it (30174)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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