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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

#5966282
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35379) - you deserved it (12219)

On 10/23/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by lloydLO (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

#5959994
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34158) - you deserved it (2896)

On 10/23/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by iross (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

#5958359
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48246) - you deserved it (2832)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by abdominates (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

#5953871
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10198) - you deserved it (36644)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:01am - work - by E.S. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

#5953662
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (6353)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by efmylife (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

#5953331
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23497) - you deserved it (8679)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Leash (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

#5947832
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10181) - you deserved it (36677)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by JC (man) - United States (California)

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

#5946410
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30287) - you deserved it (11702)

On 10/22/2009 at 5:24pm - work - by JustEwww (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

#5942414
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32370) - you deserved it (2963)

On 10/22/2009 at 9:11am - misc - by roadrage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

#5942129
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34359) - you deserved it (2900)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:09am - love - by LonelyHeart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

#5941980
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31144) - you deserved it (2964)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:29am - misc - by UnluckyTeen (man) - Singapore

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

#5939502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (4285)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Chris (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

#5938772
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18991) - you deserved it (6223)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)



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