Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

by MetalAtlas / 03/03/2010 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

by lonelyashell / 03/02/2010 at 3:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, after celebrating my birthday yesterday, getting really drunk, I woke up naked in the bathroom at my girlfriend's house. Why did I wake up? Her father walked in. FML

Today, I spent a wonderful day with my girlfriend. I got her everything she wanted, and drained my wallet. On the walk home she noticed a license plate that had an ex-girlfriend's name on it. She saw me looking and accused me of still being in love with my ex, and stormed off. After throwing salad in my face. FML

by MetalAtlas / 03/01/2010 at 10:31pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

by pizzafaceinc / 03/01/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML

by whywilson.. / 03/01/2010 at 8:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

by militiousroflcopter / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I was building new fixtures at work. As I assembled the top holding bar on the second section, my boss came up and smacked it to try and scare me. She knocked the top holding bar, which is made of steel, onto my head, and then all the sections went on to fall like dominoes. FML

by theoneguyinky / 03/01/2010 at 9:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

by GuiltByTenuousAssociation / 03/01/2010 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

by ItHurtsLIkeHell / 03/01/2010 at 4:13am / Malaysia (Pulau Pinang) / Animals

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

by mav3rick91 / 03/01/2010 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

by theholt / 03/01/2010 at 12:23am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

by Fonzie34 / 02/28/2010 at 9:42pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals