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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33384) - you deserved it (8216)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

#6274583
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27676) - you deserved it (4076)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work - by Falafax (man) - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

#6271933
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21844) - you deserved it (9457)

On 11/12/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Sursion (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

#6270812
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37926) - you deserved it (2683)

On 11/12/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by missmycomp (man) - Singapore

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

#6269978
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27935) - you deserved it (5089)

On 11/12/2009 at 6:00am - misc - by helluvasinger (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39007) - you deserved it (4032)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

#6268866
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27041) - you deserved it (2968)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work - by FML (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

#6268731
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28937) - you deserved it (7132)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by angrymadman3542342 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

#6265559
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32167) - you deserved it (4649)

On 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by DangerZone (man) - United States (California)

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

#6258074
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34731) - you deserved it (2961)

On 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm - love - by Tragics (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

#6253724
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8420) - you deserved it (35791)

On 11/11/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Miserable (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

#6253636
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (3701)

On 11/11/2009 at 1:55am - money - by whoawhat (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



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