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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

#5220953
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30049) - you deserved it (12200)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by footinmouth (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

#5217229
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38859) - you deserved it (15775)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:44pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28651) - you deserved it (7095)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23504) - you deserved it (3702)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

#5207725
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36238) - you deserved it (4825)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:35pm - animals - by ambulancedriver (man) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10256) - you deserved it (42167)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

#5203219
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30831) - you deserved it (7707)

On 09/12/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Lonely (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

#5201463
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41161) - you deserved it (2348)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

#5198874
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39883) - you deserved it (4783)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

#5194159
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36666) - you deserved it (3017)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by sucksforme (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

#5192617
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37496) - you deserved it (1957)

On 09/11/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37648) - you deserved it (2426)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

#5189788
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40514) - you deserved it (6638)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm - animals - by ouchh (man) - United States (California)



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