Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 10:36am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 3:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

by screwthewilderness / 10/04/2010 at 2:46am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2010 at 10:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

by tukkies / 10/03/2010 at 5:23am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Transportation

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she is still in love with the guy she cheated on me with. She admitted that she would be willing to do anything with him if he wanted to. And, "He's a better kisser too." FML

by laterchoice / 10/02/2010 at 12:22am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, the girl who I was in love with for almost seven years listed me on facebook as her "Brother." FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 10:11pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

by caughtorangehanded / 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 1:13pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

by ragass_mctree / 09/29/2010 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 7:37am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Health