Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7971) - you deserved it (112242)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

#6042161
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9910) - you deserved it (87368)

On 10/28/2009 at 5:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

#6040415
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7861) - you deserved it (33106)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

#6040297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33612) - you deserved it (2542)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Gw (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

#6039295
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29783) - you deserved it (8623)

On 10/28/2009 at 1:07pm - love - by thatguy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

#6030769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20709) - you deserved it (3511)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by timmynotjimmy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

#6028042
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46916) - you deserved it (2435)

On 10/27/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by dumped (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

#6027287
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7578) - you deserved it (40535)

On 10/27/2009 at 6:24pm - work - by nobodyreadsmyemails (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

#6022532
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7857) - you deserved it (61934)

On 10/27/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by dave (man) - United States

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

#6021416
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13079) - you deserved it (35176)

On 10/27/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by MotherNatureMustDie (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

#6020793
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34317) - you deserved it (2515)

On 10/27/2009 at 6:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

#6018223
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21130) - you deserved it (7839)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:45am - kids - by Chub (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

#6010579
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7976) - you deserved it (37358)

On 10/26/2009 at 6:18pm - love - by P4ntless (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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