Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

by pickit / 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

by dumbbass / 02/24/2010 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

by creditwhore / 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm / United States (Missouri) / Money

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

by sadf4x0r / 02/24/2010 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 9:20am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Work

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 11:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML

by Pip / 02/23/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

by peterpan / 02/23/2010 at 7:54am / Germany (Hessen) / Health

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

by Cromwel620 / 02/23/2010 at 6:52am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML

by nutcracker / 02/23/2010 at 4:28am / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to move my girlfriend's car. I failed to notice that the snow packed under the front bumper is actually ice. After a bit of struggle I managed to move the car. The bumper, however, is now a separate entity. FML

by Good_old_Grim / 02/23/2010 at 2:56am / Latvia (Riga) / Transportation