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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

#6069368
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10256) - you deserved it (20724)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by man (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

#6068471
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7064) - you deserved it (37833)

On 10/30/2009 at 9:19am - misc - by Coach (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

#6067790
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27505) - you deserved it (1896)

On 10/30/2009 at 6:11am - money - by WTF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

#6066680
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35199) - you deserved it (2259)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:25am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

#6066504
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33003) - you deserved it (7390)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:02am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

#6065888
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35151) - you deserved it (1925)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by seriousdubsteplover (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

#6065212
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20207) - you deserved it (2293)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:17am - intimacy - by frustrated (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

#6064494
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27177) - you deserved it (1747)

On 10/29/2009 at 11:35pm - work - by SM (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to stay after school to make up for a test. When I got outside, I saw my mom wasn't there to pick me up. I called her and she explained that there was an emergency. I walked six miles home to see that the emergency was that Ellen had Taylor Swift today and she couldn't miss it. FML

#6060393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (2508)

On 10/29/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

#6056189
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6362) - you deserved it (39731)

On 10/29/2009 at 3:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

#6055815
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18743) - you deserved it (4722)

On 10/29/2009 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

#6053376
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9716) - you deserved it (50764)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7969) - you deserved it (112238)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)



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