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Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

#5181062
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41485) - you deserved it (2489)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by peter (man) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

#5173603
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12492) - you deserved it (69222)

On 09/10/2009 at 7:17pm - love - by itisthedude (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

#5166110
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48929) - you deserved it (3107)

On 09/10/2009 at 9:37am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

#5165641
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35067) - you deserved it (1870)

On 09/10/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by whatsmccraken (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-wan)

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

#5165059
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (15123)

On 09/10/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by drugged_on_arrival (man) - Virgin Islands British

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45327) - you deserved it (4278)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

#5163293
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36808) - you deserved it (6221)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:02am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

#5154166
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41574) - you deserved it (4387)

On 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by K-9cop (man) - United States

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

#5151842
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54597) - you deserved it (4972)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

#5145727
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9008) - you deserved it (53174)

On 09/09/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by Victor (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

#5144456
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37099) - you deserved it (4199)

On 09/09/2009 at 4:57am - love - by clingmaster (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

#5141424
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40060) - you deserved it (6322)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by theboywithlonghair (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

#5141391
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37969) - you deserved it (5035)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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