Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36215) - you deserved it (27530)
On 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by vinniesuckmadack (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9897) - you deserved it (46293)
On 04/24/2009 at 1:20pm - health - by JohnFarrell (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14020) - you deserved it (44953)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8152) - you deserved it (53561)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (7484)
On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies,"Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (3835)
On 04/24/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by dontaskdonttell (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36815) - you deserved it (4751)
On 04/23/2009 at 11:53pm - misc - by NoFightResponse (man) - United States (New York)
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38317) - you deserved it (2048)
On 04/23/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by pleasebackintomycaragain (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14322) - you deserved it (38408)
On 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63578) - you deserved it (7441)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52637) - you deserved it (2768)
On 04/23/2009 at 10:09am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14520) - you deserved it (69514)
On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47798) - you deserved it (9306)
On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
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