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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

#5848296
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38041) - you deserved it (2618)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by xXx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

#5848105
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41561) - you deserved it (2322)

On 10/16/2009 at 3:27am - health - by dentistvictim (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you deserved it (5826)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

#5845825
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29204) - you deserved it (1848)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:23pm - misc - by rejectedson (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

#5845760
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26301) - you deserved it (4014)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by Matt (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

#5844999
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (3002)

On 10/15/2009 at 6:14pm - animals - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

#5843241
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29125) - you deserved it (3027)

On 10/15/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by artiemilano (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

#5840798
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30291) - you deserved it (2387)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Good_old_Grim (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

#5840446
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23756) - you deserved it (3675)

On 10/15/2009 at 8:33am - work - by Blanerd (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that, because i'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

#5840313
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27921) - you deserved it (1981)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:29am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (2305)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

#5835867
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31053) - you deserved it (5629)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:48pm - love - by diskdude13 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up very hung over after a big party last night. As I walked into my kitchen to make something to eat, I noticed a weird smell. Turns out my friend had thrown up in my freezer, and then turned off my whole fridge so "it wouldn't freeze and be hard for me to clean up in the morning." FML



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