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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

#5913755
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45171) - you deserved it (4204)

On 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Twinner (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

#5913009
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11034) - you deserved it (37919)

On 10/20/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Omi (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

#5912025
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6944) - you deserved it (150973)

On 10/20/2009 at 12:05pm - misc - by stick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

#5911952
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53747) - you deserved it (2451)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by BobbyHutchinson (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, for my 2 year anniversary, I bought my girlfriend a beautiful $400 necklace. She bought me a pink $5 shirt of Elton John riding a piano through space. FML

#5911191
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35909) - you deserved it (6810)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by lame (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

#5910203
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43228) - you deserved it (5609)

On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

#5908377
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5529) - you deserved it (40643)

On 10/20/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by gunman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

#5903153
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22943) - you deserved it (3770)

On 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by JohnB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

#5902107
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33525) - you deserved it (8100)

On 10/19/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

#5896652
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29638) - you deserved it (7173)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by ThePidgeon (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

#5895637
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25945) - you deserved it (3344)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Geez (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

#5892629
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45046) - you deserved it (9242)

On 10/19/2009 at 4:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

#5892074
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47509) - you deserved it (2897)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Indonesia (Jawa Timur)



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