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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

#5359755
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37519) - you deserved it (2584)

On 09/19/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by elmalo68 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

#5361987
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (7606)

On 09/19/2009 at 7:19pm - animals - by 909 (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

#5347133
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44825) - you deserved it (13909)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by josh (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

#5346939
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21560) - you deserved it (3041)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

#5346729
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58798) - you deserved it (3136)

On 09/19/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by asthmasucks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML

#5345954
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37533) - you deserved it (8935)

On 09/19/2009 at 2:35am - love - by sensativenose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm in my fourth month of training in the US Navy. I'm 3000 miles from home. I joined to give my wife a better life. Since I've been gone, she decided that she liked being single. FML

#5345779
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42063) - you deserved it (3920)

On 09/19/2009 at 2:18am - love - by singlesailor (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

#5338009
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6446) - you deserved it (44274)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by signinept (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML

#5333449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14930) - you deserved it (47770)

On 09/18/2009 at 3:15pm - money - by shushingmoon (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

#5328947
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37693) - you deserved it (2387)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Dhi Qar)

Today, at my work at a designer clothing store, we received a list of photos from the police of known shoplifters. My coworkers were looking at the list saying "Eugh, look at that one: you'd shoplift with a face like that". I walked over and saw that they were looking at a photo of my boyfriend. FML



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