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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML

#7570908
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27192) - you deserved it (2389)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:24pm - kids - by joshua (man) - United States (California)

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

#7570028
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29794) - you deserved it (2741)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by ptwm (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

#7568710
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8780) - you deserved it (30624)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

#7568614
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8014) - you deserved it (33271)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:13pm - misc - by kodijack (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

#7565931
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13051) - you deserved it (36437)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - love - by CivE (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

#7564644
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31763) - you deserved it (3278)

On 01/25/2010 at 5:18am - kids - by shitface (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

#7556761
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19157) - you deserved it (45899)

On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

#7551805
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32564) - you deserved it (4380)

On 01/24/2010 at 7:50pm - love - by dan (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

#7548356
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33351) - you deserved it (8838)

On 01/24/2010 at 5:24pm - misc - by Blah (man) - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

#7545764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34417) - you deserved it (5090)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

#7542505
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68967) - you deserved it (6734)

On 01/24/2010 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44421) - you deserved it (3475)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

#7538814
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29049) - you deserved it (7162)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)



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