Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

by jackson / 09/06/2010 at 1:02pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

by noonotme / 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

by ow / 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

by stink / 09/03/2010 at 8:11pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

by insomniac / 09/03/2010 at 7:02pm / Health

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, and everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry for him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack for his trip. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2010 at 8:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

by confused / 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

by anyone / 09/02/2010 at 12:48am / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous