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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

#5754979
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37521) - you deserved it (4534)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:07am - misc - by Nobody (man) - Singapore

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

#5753501
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37009) - you deserved it (2071)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:23am - work - by superjesse006 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

#5752857
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7443) - you deserved it (54711)

On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

#5745365
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39285) - you deserved it (2855)

On 10/09/2009 at 7:22pm - money - by poorman (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

#5743419
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (1799)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by sofked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7623) - you deserved it (45142)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42057) - you deserved it (3030)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

#5721325
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38102) - you deserved it (3937)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm - love - by Rage (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

#5720905
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28586) - you deserved it (4852)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:13pm - work - by Dan (man) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

#5719624
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34684) - you deserved it (2441)

On 10/08/2009 at 9:31am - money - by wheatsnake (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17102) - you deserved it (3384)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry in her groceries. She said "Thanks" and then handed me a notice of eviction. FML

#5715607
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32209) - you deserved it (4702)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:24am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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