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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58199) - you deserved it (8666)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44920) - you deserved it (3495)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

#5076541
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41354) - you deserved it (7105)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10849) - you deserved it (32195)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

#5072938
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47217) - you deserved it (4277)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - love - by Nofatforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

#5072563
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38253) - you deserved it (2899)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

#5065139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70206) - you deserved it (2901)

On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

#5064237
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6891) - you deserved it (42573)

On 09/05/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by indecentcameraexposure (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

#5063911
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14577) - you deserved it (41611)

On 09/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Idiots (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

#5059729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6736) - you deserved it (45161)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

#5058289
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43369) - you deserved it (9434)

On 09/05/2009 at 10:16am - love - by thisrllysucks (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

#5055493
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25878) - you deserved it (16016)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:22am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

#5055356
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21762) - you deserved it (43952)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)



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