Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

by fmylife / 08/26/2010 at 6:09am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 5:16am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

by Aaron / 08/26/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

by iammike / 08/24/2010 at 6:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

by groomsman / 08/24/2010 at 8:19am / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

by Ahook1 / 08/23/2010 at 7:31pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

by diesel444 / 08/23/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

by K_M / 08/23/2010 at 12:18am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Kids

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

by pathetic / 08/20/2010 at 5:51am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals