Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

by kasai_x0x / 06/19/2010 at 12:27pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

by gimmeabreak0_o / 06/18/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

by Doritos / 06/17/2010 at 4:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

by theorifice / 06/16/2010 at 12:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke to find that my car had been burglarized in my own driveway and several hundred dollars worth of electronics were stolen. I only later discovered that my campus parking pass had also been stolen when I got a $75 ticket while taking a chemistry test. FML

by 1129 / 06/15/2010 at 12:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2010 at 7:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, it was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, and said: "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

by SirPimPim / 06/14/2010 at 10:32am / Sweden (Ostergotlands Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

by jonjon / 06/13/2010 at 9:16am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

by Myzyri / 06/08/2010 at 3:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

by highschoolgrad / 06/08/2010 at 12:09am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

by Th3BaconNinja / 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

by mark / 06/06/2010 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous