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Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31878) - you deserved it (2800)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

#6379842
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11896) - you deserved it (33766)

On 11/20/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by pchis4ever (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12378) - you deserved it (35906)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

#6378633
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8515) - you deserved it (17346)

On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

#6378315
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8957) - you deserved it (34830)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

#6377568
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27924) - you deserved it (2783)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:30am - love - by ApparentlyIFail (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

#6377384
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28562) - you deserved it (3482)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42532) - you deserved it (6915)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

#6377275
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7935) - you deserved it (38692)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

#6373189
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23709) - you deserved it (5428)

On 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm - health - by Mondo (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I left class I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted "Let go!". I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML

#6369387
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9791) - you deserved it (24418)

On 11/19/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by betamaxjim (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML

#6367278
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33110) - you deserved it (2871)

On 11/19/2009 at 10:53am - health - by nolips (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

#6365107
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26642) - you deserved it (4918)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)



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