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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

#6708463
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17386) - you deserved it (23418)

On 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21326) - you deserved it (6293)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I saw my favourite shirt on the floor of my dorm's bathroom. Feeling too lazy to bend down, I used my feet to "flick" the shirt up. Apparently, some drunkard took a dump on the floor and used my shirt to cover it up. I now have shit all over my feet, hands and the wall in front of me. FML

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24396) - you deserved it (3175)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my roommate came in slamming the front door. I guess he doesn't know that you can't throw hot water on frozen windows. He came up all pissed and called his insurance because he cracked the windshield. We have the same car, in the same exact color. Turns out he threw the water on mine. FML

#6705555
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31184) - you deserved it (2631)

On 12/11/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Sous_Chef (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

#6705143
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (2683)

On 12/11/2009 at 2:23am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

#6703564
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8366) - you deserved it (24753)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

#6696608
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14122) - you deserved it (37251)

On 12/10/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by Henji (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

#6695644
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31168) - you deserved it (5157)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by dayum (man) - Mexico (Chihuahua)

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

#6695402
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31232) - you deserved it (2736)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

#6695365
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33586) - you deserved it (7942)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:38pm - money - by muggle68 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

#6694429
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30758) - you deserved it (2687)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by Godi (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

#6693694
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9677) - you deserved it (27632)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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