Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 3:18pm / United States (Puerto Rico) / Intimacy

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

by losingit / 10/19/2010 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Love

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 2:28am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 5:57am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

by Triumvirate / 10/16/2010 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

by tman / 10/14/2010 at 4:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

by your mother / 10/13/2010 at 5:02am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML

by failure / 10/13/2010 at 2:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health