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Man or woman?

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

#5542217
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15072) - you deserved it (35042)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

#5541455
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38263) - you deserved it (4789)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

#5541387
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27638) - you deserved it (5306)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

#5541044
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65692) - you deserved it (2687)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

#5539154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32935) - you deserved it (2810)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:57pm - work - by justfired (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

#5530332
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58084) - you deserved it (13604)

On 09/28/2009 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

#5528599
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27594) - you deserved it (5932)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

#5527789
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8508) - you deserved it (104226)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

#5526901
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36755) - you deserved it (19344)

On 09/28/2009 at 1:34pm - love - by Greg (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

#5526050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35614) - you deserved it (4350)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by mnavy (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

#5525269
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42717) - you deserved it (2929)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:13am - kids - by justgreat (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

#5522380
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8269) - you deserved it (27152)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Oops54321 (man) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

#5519720
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36980) - you deserved it (12473)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:11am - work - by Baboosh (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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