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Man or woman?

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

#5942129
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34272) - you deserved it (2892)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:09am - love - by LonelyHeart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

#5941980
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (2958)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:29am - misc - by UnluckyTeen (man) - Singapore

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

#5939502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26918) - you deserved it (4281)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Chris (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

#5938772
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16991) - you deserved it (5870)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

#5931603
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10336) - you deserved it (27985)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

#5930750
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12924) - you deserved it (29460)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

#5929779
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10126) - you deserved it (32087)

On 10/21/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by fyourlife (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

#5926430
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30646) - you deserved it (3006)

On 10/21/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by JimmySmoothBeans (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

#5925847
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36431) - you deserved it (3775)

On 10/21/2009 at 6:05am - money - by Pissed (man) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

#5925433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38412) - you deserved it (6204)

On 10/21/2009 at 4:27am - misc - by sore (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

#5924929
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52130) - you deserved it (3606)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:59am - health - by acneface (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

#5924772
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42829) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Small_Fry_Hero (man) - United States (California)

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

#5924730
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (30028)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by FingerBang (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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