Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

#6565181
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30608) - you deserved it (5439)

On 12/02/2009 at 5:57am - misc - by Project-Mayhem (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

#6560085
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33092) - you deserved it (5319)

On 12/01/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Bostonian (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

#6556684
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7412) - you deserved it (81534)

On 12/01/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by reptar2009 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML

#6554533
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9360) - you deserved it (65216)

On 12/01/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by horribledriver (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

#6552021
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43305) - you deserved it (4000)

On 12/01/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by sassman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally released my first music album. I dropped out of college to pay for it after my friends who liked my music urged me to. They keep telling me how much they love the CD. I've only sold one copy. Turns out they put it on a sharing site so only one of them would have to buy it. FML

#6546690
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33633) - you deserved it (13666)

On 12/01/2009 at 1:57am - misc - by Rob (man) - United States (California)

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

#6546053
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14651) - you deserved it (31089)

On 12/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by helper (man) - Costa Rica (Heredia)

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

#6544765
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33634) - you deserved it (12307)

On 12/01/2009 at 12:00am - love - by toastedguy (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

#6540223
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35582) - you deserved it (4546)

On 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by Cpm (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

#6536864
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34451) - you deserved it (3296)

On 11/30/2009 at 6:24pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25725) - you deserved it (5604)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

#6532125
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28812) - you deserved it (2624)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by NeedHeadPhone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

#6527838
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29930) - you deserved it (2359)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Dante (man) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: