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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

#8040620
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (2175)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:40am - health - by utensils123 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

#8021702
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8865) - you deserved it (24149)

On 02/08/2010 at 7:32pm - misc - by Kaganate (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

#8012702
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6893) - you deserved it (46027)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm - misc - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

#8008205
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11257) - you deserved it (42229)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:19am - misc - by skinsfan7592 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

#7989901
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28409) - you deserved it (5685)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm - animals - by zzdug (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

#7974349
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27179) - you deserved it (3136)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:58pm - work - by Ishii (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

#7974279
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33200) - you deserved it (7965)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by jake (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24988) - you deserved it (2741)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

#7965104
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17552) - you deserved it (38098)

On 02/07/2010 at 4:19am - misc - by KiwiBlam (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

#7962571
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43448) - you deserved it (3948)

On 02/07/2010 at 2:16am - love - by mike (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

#7957934
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35228) - you deserved it (2862)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by nekoneko (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

#7957372
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20974) - you deserved it (4925)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Florida)



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