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Man or woman?

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

#6005073
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (30293)

On 10/26/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

#6001058
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15427) - you deserved it (8981)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Brian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

#5996462
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34331) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

#5993337
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42032) - you deserved it (3376)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

#5988986
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26143) - you deserved it (4235)

On 10/25/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by HoShiz (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

#5984372
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15319) - you deserved it (25725)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Badday (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

#5978415
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34029) - you deserved it (13766)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

#5975036
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34520) - you deserved it (6486)

On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33904) - you deserved it (8864)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

#5972663
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26823) - you deserved it (6825)

On 10/24/2009 at 10:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

#5971935
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40396) - you deserved it (6016)

On 10/24/2009 at 9:14am - love - by Oops (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I found a dead puppy in my backyard. I have never owned any pets. FML

#5966909
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38769) - you deserved it (2177)

On 10/23/2009 at 10:59pm - misc - by WhyMe (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

#5966282
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35271) - you deserved it (12199)

On 10/23/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by lloydLO (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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