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Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

#5247865
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37464) - you deserved it (8614)

On 09/14/2009 at 6:05am - money - by JhKhS (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

#5247807
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39858) - you deserved it (5964)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by alphabetman (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

#5247555
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12847) - you deserved it (31049)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by nickname (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

#5238031
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10119) - you deserved it (61382)

On 09/13/2009 at 9:00pm - work - by thissucks (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

#5235406
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38722) - you deserved it (3711)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - kids - by Broeman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

#5228952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38268) - you deserved it (3939)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38204) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

#5225879
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28413) - you deserved it (8917)

On 09/13/2009 at 10:00am - misc - by superjstorm (man) - Philippines (Nueva Ecija)

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

#5222087
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28588) - you deserved it (12654)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:17am - health - by beaten (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

#5220953
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (12178)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by footinmouth (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

#5217229
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38072) - you deserved it (15540)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:44pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28545) - you deserved it (7090)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)



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