Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (4366)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

#6792843
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30473) - you deserved it (3359)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by gotthewrongman (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

#6792235
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13840) - you deserved it (51273)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29620) - you deserved it (2371)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

#6786909
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40743) - you deserved it (2795)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:00am - money - by exchange (man) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27266) - you deserved it (11648)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

#6781373
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43804) - you deserved it (2390)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm - love - by cheezmaster (man) - United States (California)

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#6779771
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11670) - you deserved it (31713)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

#6779540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (6113)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

#6779433
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33608) - you deserved it (2259)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:43pm - work - by Andy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I decided to head out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

#6775023
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9834) - you deserved it (33420)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:37am - misc - by watchmaker (man) - United Kingdom

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

#6774079
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59799) - you deserved it (2606)

On 12/16/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by barri (man) - Costa Rica (San Jose)

Today, I was watching the show "Sixteen and Pregnant". I started bawling when the girl's dirtbag boyfriend proposed to her with a $20 ring he bought from Walmart because I was so lonely and was jealous of her "romantic relationship". FML

#6770582
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (11954)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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