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Man or woman?

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (16627)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

#21103838
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35095) - you deserved it (3041)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm - work - by RIP_Nose (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my grandmother is coming over to my family's house to stay for about a week or so. Apparently, the guest room window isn't big enough for her dream catcher, so she wants her cat to sleep in the guest room and she wants to sleep in my room. My parents support this. FML

#21103236
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39008) - you deserved it (3104)

On 04/02/2014 at 10:25pm - misc - by themonesterman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

#21102998
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42142) - you deserved it (5349)

On 04/02/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44433) - you deserved it (5082)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

#21102658
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (15442)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:20am - misc - by Sad Nerd (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

#21102371
93 comments

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41440) - you deserved it (4730)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44725) - you deserved it (5132)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (5306)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

#21101111
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38972) - you deserved it (3551)

On 03/31/2014 at 4:07pm - work - by dunno why we bother (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

#21100982
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34278) - you deserved it (2258)

On 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39177) - you deserved it (16444)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States



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