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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

#21477344
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22030) - you deserved it (3830)

On 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

#21477146
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24404) - you deserved it (1592)

On 10/07/2015 at 12:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

#21477092
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12271) - you deserved it (30493)

On 10/07/2015 at 7:29am - health - by -_- (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

#21476862
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25018) - you deserved it (1936)

On 10/06/2015 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

#21476796
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24334) - you deserved it (1358)

On 10/06/2015 at 11:29am - health - by edavis1993 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

#21476743
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (1517)

On 10/06/2015 at 7:13am - health - by Lord Kane of Flatulon (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex in the day and a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

#21476584
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22709) - you deserved it (1461)

On 10/05/2015 at 8:23pm - work - by Doublescrewed (man) -

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

#21475976
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24680) - you deserved it (2251)

On 10/04/2015 at 10:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

#21475965
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24128) - you deserved it (2076)

On 10/04/2015 at 9:21am - misc - by dead man walking? (man) - United States

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

#21475613
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (2171)

On 10/03/2015 at 6:57am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

#21475588
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (4212)

On 10/03/2015 at 3:42am - love - by JJ (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

#21475553
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23386) - you deserved it (1428)

On 10/03/2015 at 12:14am - work - by wormiformed (man) - New Zealand

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

#21475461
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16074) - you deserved it (21934)

On 10/02/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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