Today, my boss dropped a highly important and dense report on my desk that had to be finished by the end of the day. After the initial panic attack and hours of scrupulous work, I finished. She then asked me to pick up the revised copy, where my name was replaced with hers. FML

by Bottom feeder / 01/07/2016 at 10:41pm / Hong Kong / Work

Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

by LittleGina / 01/07/2016 at 12:42pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after waiting in front of a washroom stall for 20 minutes to take a dump, I finally realized that the "person" in the stall was just a pair of shoes. FML

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

by Anonycock / 01/06/2016 at 12:15pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Work

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2016 at 10:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

by Pithegreat / 01/05/2016 at 11:48pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

by sochunky / 01/05/2016 at 5:23pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Transportation

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

by notanightowlanymore / 01/05/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad sat me and my sister down and give us a "talk". More like an angry irrational rant. He forbade us from being gay, marrying a Muslim or a black person, demanded kids from both of us, and threatened to disown us if we didn't. Where's my free will? FML

by this is impossible / 01/04/2016 at 7:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss lost the company a very lucrative contract I had worked on for weeks because he wouldn't tolerate the client's "disrespect." The disrespect? Asking him to not interrupt her or put words in her mouth during a conference call with her employees. FML

by TheGreatSquirrel / 01/04/2016 at 5:10pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML

by yankesik / 01/03/2016 at 5:42pm / Poland (Wielkopolskie) / Health

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

by ywouldudomelikethat / 01/03/2016 at 3:02pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2016 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous