Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

by Fuck's sake! / 04/24/2016 at 9:34pm / Singapore / Work

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 8:46am / Switzerland (Graubunden) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

by just die already / 04/24/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

by she won't see a therapist / 04/23/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Kids

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 2:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my drug dealer was the only one who wished me a happy birthday. FML

by boipucci / 04/21/2016 at 9:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

by 404 justice not found / 04/21/2016 at 3:15pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2016 at 12:55am / India (Delhi) / Work

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

by 0h_Boy / 04/20/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 10:34am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous