Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

by Bloop / 05/13/2016 at 8:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

by Sir Davos of Shit Creek / 05/13/2016 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

by I piss upon thee / 05/13/2016 at 2:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

by edgyasfuck23 / 05/13/2016 at 1:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

by Beefy Man / 05/13/2016 at 3:33am / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

by Joseflloyd / 05/12/2016 at 12:52am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I offered my friend $150 to drop my girl and me off for at the airport. He's poor, so I try to help him out by paying for rides. My girl being with me, I asked him not to smoke weed while driving. He turned down the job because he needs a minimum of two blunts for the trip. FML

by echo / 05/11/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2016 at 11:53am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, my friend bought a new car. He left his old car at the dealership and asked me if I could go back with him, and then I'd follow him back to his house in his old car. That was fine, except he forgot to mention the car had no brakes. I hit his car. FML

by bumpercarmcgee / 05/11/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with co-workers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

by svsksosnns / 05/10/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Washington) / Holidays

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

by Chin... uh.... / 05/10/2016 at 6:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

by Scarred Nephew / 05/10/2016 at 6:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous