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Man or woman?

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

#21088206
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41604) - you deserved it (3710)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40409) - you deserved it (19430)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

#21087493
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56762) - you deserved it (4375)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:48pm - love - by broken vows (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

#21087465
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36751) - you deserved it (9983)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:02pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (8619)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain to my neighbours that I wasn't "watching porn" earlier, and that I was honestly just watching an episode of Game of Thrones. FML

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

#21086597
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35764) - you deserved it (3382)

On 03/14/2014 at 3:40pm - work - by fucked (man) - Canada

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33254) - you deserved it (5368)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

#21085559
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38263) - you deserved it (5791)

On 03/13/2014 at 7:59am - misc - by Crochocinco85 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34400) - you deserved it (11723)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at a staff meeting, our boss sighed and asked why I'm always in the meetings instead of my co-worker. I reminded him that it's because I'm the department supervisor, not my co-worker. He wouldn't believe me until he saw it for himself in our personnel files. FML

#21084802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37092) - you deserved it (3502)

On 03/12/2014 at 12:02pm - work - by KBBL (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

#21084165
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36406) - you deserved it (9168)

On 03/11/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by shonfyr (man) - Spain

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43991) - you deserved it (6069)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)



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