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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

#21477917
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23850) - you deserved it (2341)

On 10/09/2015 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

#21477811
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29088) - you deserved it (4372)

On 10/09/2015 at 5:06am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

#21477793
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23829) - you deserved it (2585)

On 10/09/2015 at 3:06am - kids - by shh (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

#21477785
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25498) - you deserved it (1749)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML

#21477704
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23285) - you deserved it (1523)

On 10/08/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Traveler (man) -

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

#21477518
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14888) - you deserved it (17509)

On 10/08/2015 at 12:04pm - work - by shitbucketsfilledwithshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

#21477505
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24880) - you deserved it (2652)

On 10/08/2015 at 11:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

#21477344
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22030) - you deserved it (3830)

On 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

#21477146
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24401) - you deserved it (1593)

On 10/07/2015 at 12:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

#21477092
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12270) - you deserved it (30491)

On 10/07/2015 at 7:29am - health - by -_- (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

#21476862
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25017) - you deserved it (1936)

On 10/06/2015 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

#21476796
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24334) - you deserved it (1358)

On 10/06/2015 at 11:29am - health - by edavis1993 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

#21476743
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (1517)

On 10/06/2015 at 7:13am - health - by Lord Kane of Flatulon (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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