Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

by Cheese luv / 09/21/2016 at 12:55pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left my wallet on the train again. You'd think I'd be extra careful after losing it once. That's 3 times this year. FML

by JordLostItagain3 / 09/21/2016 at 3:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

by T3kM4n / 09/20/2016 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

by XRayXLopez1 / 09/19/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my wife announced she had a sexy surprise for me. Turns out she got a Brazilian wax, which is a huge turn-off for me. Not only could I not get it up, I got to hear all about how much her last boyfriend loved it. FML.

by HairToStay / 09/19/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2016 at 6:05am / Love

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

by Crapper. / 09/16/2016 at 4:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML

by ItnHmn / 09/16/2016 at 3:58pm / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML

by Senseless_487 / 09/16/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

by Blamethepostman / 09/16/2016 at 11:10am / Money

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

by nicrus / 09/15/2016 at 4:13pm / Norway / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

by Loose Ends / 09/14/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous