Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38050) - you deserved it (8491)
On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36523) - you deserved it (3408)
On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79347) - you deserved it (4475)
On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33882) - you deserved it (3374)
On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40577) - you deserved it (4526)
On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37318) - you deserved it (2447)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58440) - you deserved it (3580)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36314) - you deserved it (17805)
On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42432) - you deserved it (2252)
On 05/13/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Confused (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, my dad walked in on me lying down with my cat, eating ice cream, watching The Notebook with tears in my eyes. As if that's not bad enough, I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41776) - you deserved it (16069)
On 05/12/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32155) - you deserved it (11382)
On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States
Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24832) - you deserved it (33382)
On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35646) - you deserved it (6075)
On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Monday 20 May 2013
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