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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

#21409473
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31169) - you deserved it (2332)

On 05/13/2015 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26099) - you deserved it (3892)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

#21407716
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27975) - you deserved it (6995)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33296) - you deserved it (2721)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

#21407296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23456) - you deserved it (9727)

On 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27853) - you deserved it (8888)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18377) - you deserved it (34827)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (6740)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

#21406668
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27472) - you deserved it (1809)

On 05/08/2015 at 8:46am - misc - by MedChew (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28791) - you deserved it (2632)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31602) - you deserved it (4297)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28875) - you deserved it (11979)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

#21405053
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34597) - you deserved it (2789)

On 05/05/2015 at 10:44am - love - by inheritance (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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