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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34187) - you deserved it (4890)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

#21296003
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (4670)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:10am - work - by Pixel (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36870) - you deserved it (4648)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29060) - you deserved it (7508)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17407) - you deserved it (32615)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I threw out my back while trying to put together my new ergonomic chair, which was supposed to help my bad back. FML

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

#21293180
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31647) - you deserved it (2466)

On 11/06/2014 at 1:53am - work - by HelpMe1 (man) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

#21292980
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32651) - you deserved it (2647)

On 11/05/2014 at 9:03pm - work - by jobless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

#21292826
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30005) - you deserved it (2568)

On 11/05/2014 at 5:21pm - love - by thedudeman14 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

#21292742
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34919) - you deserved it (8502)

On 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

#21292660
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25734) - you deserved it (2410)

On 11/05/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by chlorobitch551 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33744) - you deserved it (3296)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)



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