Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

by StudentAbroad / 02/18/2016 at 8:27am / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Miscellaneous

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

by ThatSped / 02/17/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

by UnluckyReporter / 02/17/2016 at 1:35am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

by Confuseddad / 02/16/2016 at 5:17pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

by randommanwill / 02/16/2016 at 3:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

by Jeezus / 02/15/2016 at 10:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

by BlueSuit / 02/14/2016 at 2:20pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

by R281780 / 02/14/2016 at 10:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

by JavitheWrestler / 02/13/2016 at 6:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2016 at 2:45am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

by SnurklesMcGee / 02/12/2016 at 5:08pm / Canada / Love

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

by neveragain / 02/12/2016 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health