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Today, five minutes before closing, a woman came in to buy over $300 worth of clothing from the sales rack. My manager and I had to ring it all up, de-sensor it, fold it, bag it, etc. After it was all rung up, her credit card was declined. FML

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49041) - you deserved it (6059)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, at my job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got called into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. FML

#21145062
191 comments

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

#21143150
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45678) - you deserved it (3754)

On 05/17/2014 at 5:56pm - misc - by 2ndgenoration (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39121) - you deserved it (6446)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

#21142829
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33462) - you deserved it (16600)

On 05/17/2014 at 12:02pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

#21142253
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39346) - you deserved it (13500)

On 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by pissed off (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45546) - you deserved it (12797)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51873) - you deserved it (5024)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

#21141882
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39651) - you deserved it (3896)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36320) - you deserved it (4291)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

#21138987
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22292) - you deserved it (64325)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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