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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39201) - you deserved it (16281)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the fire alarm went off at work. My office is on the second floor, and the door to the stairs were jammed shut. The only way out was jumping out the window. The best part was breaking my leg due to someone burning their lunch. FML

#21218720
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42303) - you deserved it (7751)

On 07/23/2014 at 9:34pm - health - by timv94 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50919) - you deserved it (11797)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56573) - you deserved it (41761)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41015) - you deserved it (5187)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33482) - you deserved it (20854)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

#21213089
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35223) - you deserved it (2917)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Cura?ao

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55812) - you deserved it (4145)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51449) - you deserved it (3572)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

#21209954
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39133) - you deserved it (7604)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47910) - you deserved it (5320)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

#21208907
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39317) - you deserved it (4993)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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