Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34183) - you deserved it (2314)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (4427)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (2282)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41867) - you deserved it (2520)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27910) - you deserved it (9476)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28271) - you deserved it (2882)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39160) - you deserved it (3344)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

#21342118
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30277) - you deserved it (2436)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:40am - misc - by burningman (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

#21342099
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33250) - you deserved it (2876)

On 01/22/2015 at 4:02am - health - by shifala (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

#21342067
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34129) - you deserved it (5014)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (2669)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29402) - you deserved it (3669)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

#21341346
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31940) - you deserved it (2637)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: