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Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML

Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML

#21227846
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35677) - you deserved it (2550)

On 08/02/2014 at 7:44pm - misc - by porkabye (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

#21227795
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37075) - you deserved it (4552)

On 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm - work - by Shitmetalseller (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32274) - you deserved it (15567)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33898) - you deserved it (22544)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54191) - you deserved it (3660)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

#21226277
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34063) - you deserved it (3424)

On 07/31/2014 at 10:50pm - misc - by RiceSickle (man) - United States (California)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42551) - you deserved it (4374)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

#21222884
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38140) - you deserved it (9139)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:16am - work - by Scotty (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53071) - you deserved it (6403)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37416) - you deserved it (2738)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

#21221108
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40025) - you deserved it (5739)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm - work - by PrincessPromotion (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML



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