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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

#21322769
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28023) - you deserved it (5536)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by wowdadreally (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

#21322266
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27170) - you deserved it (5764)

On 12/22/2014 at 7:54pm - money - by trippybmth (man) - United States

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

#21321989
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34392) - you deserved it (3540)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:24am - work - by Bahhumbug (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

#21321539
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34527) - you deserved it (3739)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm - work - by anonix (man) - Canada

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

#21321325
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25374) - you deserved it (4009)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:59am - kids - by paparoach (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

#21321107
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26412) - you deserved it (4717)

On 12/20/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Mightaswelltutordogs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31616) - you deserved it (2742)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28449) - you deserved it (3434)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

#21320813
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31713) - you deserved it (2410)

On 12/20/2014 at 9:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31771) - you deserved it (4003)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30028) - you deserved it (3822)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)



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