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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

#21493950
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28863) - you deserved it (1767)

On 11/18/2015 at 8:47am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

#21493255
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25520) - you deserved it (3285)

On 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by weldingmachine217 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

#21493073
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30403) - you deserved it (3105)

On 11/16/2015 at 1:44am - intimacy - by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

#21492862
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21781) - you deserved it (2079)

On 11/15/2015 at 4:00pm - love - by SadIndianLife (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

#21492366
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23756) - you deserved it (1891)

On 11/14/2015 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

#21492099
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (2445)

On 11/13/2015 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

#21492071
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22160) - you deserved it (2421)

On 11/13/2015 at 11:32am - misc - by eyegouger15 (man) - United States

Today, I got several angry messages on Facebook, demanding to know how I could cheat on my wife. They didn't believe me when I said I had no idea what they meant. Turns out my wife made a sarcastic post about my "new mistress". She was talking about Fallout 4. FML

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

#21492006
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22283) - you deserved it (1473)

On 11/13/2015 at 7:34am - misc - by Anonymousse (man) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

#21491931
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24688) - you deserved it (2018)

On 11/13/2015 at 12:24am - health - by MeAgainDr... (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

#21491133
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21403) - you deserved it (2126)

On 11/11/2015 at 6:03am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

#21490774
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22603) - you deserved it (1669)

On 11/10/2015 at 10:17am - work - by YouBossturd (man) - United States (District of Columbia)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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