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Man or woman?

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26462) - you deserved it (2532)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

#21380308
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30065) - you deserved it (2215)

On 03/23/2015 at 7:19pm - misc - by jumanji (man) -

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32919) - you deserved it (6579)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend she's too good for me, then asking if she wants to settle for someone like me. FML

#21378798
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27971) - you deserved it (2197)

On 03/21/2015 at 4:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

#21378741
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (1989)

On 03/21/2015 at 1:36am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

#21378402
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32107) - you deserved it (2164)

On 03/20/2015 at 1:50pm - love - by not picking up (man) - Slovenia (Skofljica)

Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML

#21378350
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32452) - you deserved it (2483)

On 03/20/2015 at 11:26am - love - by falling short (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML

#21378331
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (504) - you deserved it (2218)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:38am - work - by ZG_Rules (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade when a woman came up and asked me if playing it was my job. I laughed but then realized that it is actually the closest thing I have to a job. FML

#21377906
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23439) - you deserved it (53)

On 03/19/2015 at 5:49pm - work - by DDRFreak (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

#21377689
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27318) - you deserved it (2168)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:24am - health - by david99021 (man) - Turkey (Ankara)

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

#21377662
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30962) - you deserved it (3488)

On 03/19/2015 at 9:19am - work - by MyPoorEyes (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

#21377263
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (353) - you deserved it (10003)

On 03/18/2015 at 6:23pm - animals - by brokeforever (man) - Latvia (Riga)



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