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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

#21497006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23035) - you deserved it (1483)

On 11/26/2015 at 10:20am - misc - by WellGroomed (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my boss fired three of the four other people who were going to work with me on Black Friday in my department. Now it's just me and a new hire. My boss doesn't see a problem. FML

#21496727
70 comments

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

#21496628
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23152) - you deserved it (2200)

On 11/25/2015 at 10:50am - kids - by ashamed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

#21496594
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26458) - you deserved it (1743)

On 11/25/2015 at 7:32am - misc - by anthony (man) - Luxembourg

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

#21496413
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18793) - you deserved it (3095)

On 11/24/2015 at 7:38pm - work - by FitnessFirst (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

#21496296
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25806) - you deserved it (2671)

On 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Zug)

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

#21496144
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22821) - you deserved it (4154)

On 11/24/2015 at 1:34am - intimacy - by helpme (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

#21495858
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21903) - you deserved it (1961)

On 11/23/2015 at 12:00pm - work - by helpme (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

#21495080
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23405) - you deserved it (2158)

On 11/21/2015 at 5:03am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

#21494965
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22542) - you deserved it (2544)

On 11/20/2015 at 7:59pm - misc - by Brunofk7 (man) - Peru (Lima)

Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML

#21494906
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21246) - you deserved it (3218)

On 11/20/2015 at 4:25pm - misc - by brokeasscollegelife (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

#21494887
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12280) - you deserved it (27382)

On 11/20/2015 at 3:13pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

#21494871
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24216) - you deserved it (4796)

On 11/20/2015 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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