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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

#21399833
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32001) - you deserved it (2493)

On 04/26/2015 at 3:09am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30302) - you deserved it (8904)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

#21399405
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (2873)

On 04/25/2015 at 8:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31240) - you deserved it (2500)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

#21399347
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34604) - you deserved it (1972)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

#21399271
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25951) - you deserved it (22712)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boss' incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

#21399022
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29805) - you deserved it (1758)

On 04/24/2015 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

Today, I learned that before you tell a blonde joke, you should make sure that your high school's 6'8", 275-pound, blond quarterback isn't standing behind you. FML

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

#21397916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29794) - you deserved it (2107)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33061) - you deserved it (2853)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42158) - you deserved it (2842)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

#21397872
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30849) - you deserved it (5579)

On 04/22/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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