Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37356) - you deserved it (14802)
On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25043) - you deserved it (2451)
On 03/18/2013 at 2:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27211) - you deserved it (4005)
Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24008) - you deserved it (1383)
On 03/17/2013 at 3:00pm - work - by innocentbarista (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26072) - you deserved it (5141)
On 03/17/2013 at 1:05am - love - by jisaac09 (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27583) - you deserved it (11233)
On 03/16/2013 at 4:04pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31327) - you deserved it (5684)
On 03/16/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26637) - you deserved it (1920)
On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States
Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12757) - you deserved it (21620)
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29143) - you deserved it (1636)
On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36681) - you deserved it (7821)
On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27652) - you deserved it (1693)
On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28306) - you deserved it (3135)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom
Monday 20 May 2013
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