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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out my girlfriend is a full-on, wants-to-be-banged-by-a-horse furry. FML

#21503215
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26088) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/13/2015 at 6:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

#21503177
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23996) - you deserved it (3075)

On 12/13/2015 at 2:45am - love - by disgusted (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

#21502954
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19964) - you deserved it (6624)

On 12/12/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Ihadnoidea (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

#21502817
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20301) - you deserved it (2273)

On 12/12/2015 at 2:14am - misc - by shat (man) - United States (California)

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

#21502798
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22646) - you deserved it (1268)

On 12/12/2015 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

#21502763
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (1559)

On 12/11/2015 at 11:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

#21502633
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19893) - you deserved it (4205)

On 12/11/2015 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

#21502612
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19781) - you deserved it (3433)

On 12/11/2015 at 2:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

#21502573
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21893) - you deserved it (1418)

On 12/11/2015 at 11:34am - money - by KamiAzaaaaaa (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend jumped into my arms for a kiss. She's done it before, but this time I wasn't expecting it. I fell backwards, straight through my glass coffee table. FML

#21502189
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23217) - you deserved it (1943)

On 12/10/2015 at 8:45am - health - by fucking SUCKS let's do it LIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE! (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML

#21502182
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22379) - you deserved it (2296)

On 12/10/2015 at 8:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She said no because she doesn't want to be tied down for the rest of her life. We already have 3 children, a mortgage, and joint bank accounts. How much more tied down could we possibly get? FML

#21501461
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (2627)

On 12/08/2015 at 12:21pm - love - by Nile (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML



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