Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18157) - you deserved it (22292)
On 04/03/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by nickcedola40 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34645) - you deserved it (4441)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40398) - you deserved it (3824)
On 04/03/2013 at 9:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20547) - you deserved it (4277)
On 04/03/2013 at 8:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my coworker learned that I'm an Israeli Jew. He told me, in the same sentence, that Jews should "get the fuck out of Israel" and also "get out of Australia and back to your own country." Um, what? FML
I agree, your life sucks (28998) - you deserved it (5295)
On 04/03/2013 at 1:53am - work - by JewSoSilly (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (3158)
On 04/02/2013 at 2:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26972) - you deserved it (1366)
On 04/02/2013 at 9:34am - work - by ak_6694 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32750) - you deserved it (1501)
On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11656) - you deserved it (28170)
On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States
Today, feeling tired, I snuck one of my wife's pills that she claims gives her super energy. I later found out it was our son's placenta, grounded up and made into capsules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30058) - you deserved it (9634)
On 04/01/2013 at 12:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (1403)
On 03/31/2013 at 4:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34041) - you deserved it (3730)
On 03/31/2013 at 3:00am - misc - by Mr.no contacts (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33799) - you deserved it (2240)
On 03/31/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by dumb tourists (man) - China (Beijing)
Friday 24 May 2013
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