Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

by rejectedprobably / 07/18/2016 at 7:06pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML

by loserman67 / 07/18/2016 at 8:04am / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML

by pittmanw / 07/17/2016 at 10:54pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

by Lil Bro / 07/16/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy

Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML

by LacrosseFAIL / 07/16/2016 at 6:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 11:16am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I found a "white power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 8:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad told my mom to hurry up or they'd miss the start of their concert. She said "I'm coming, I'm coming..." and without thinking, I blurted "That's what she said." They're super religious, and I'm now grounded till January. FML

by cody4prez / 07/15/2016 at 2:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

by MATTY2512 / 07/13/2016 at 2:13pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

by dumped and dusted / 07/13/2016 at 1:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2016 at 11:21am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

by married to a bipedal husky / 07/12/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

by CallmeTokey / 07/11/2016 at 11:21pm / Miscellaneous