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Today, I finished polishing a song I was working on for my girlfriend. The next words out of her mouth when we next spoke: "I want to break up." FML

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

#21504867
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11476) - you deserved it (19937)

On 12/17/2015 at 4:37pm - kids - by 117halo12345 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

#21504691
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24635) - you deserved it (2120)

On 12/17/2015 at 4:10am - intimacy - by NotSoComfortable (man) - Italy (Veneto)

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

#21504401
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20364) - you deserved it (1980)

On 12/16/2015 at 10:28am - kids - by anon (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

#21504325
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20227) - you deserved it (1294)

On 12/16/2015 at 3:58am - health - by chamberpottime (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

#21504186
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20285) - you deserved it (1529)

On 12/15/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by fmltom (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

#21503854
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (5453)

On 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by Moth_Balled (man) - Australia

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

#21503640
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24195) - you deserved it (1589)

On 12/14/2015 at 12:21pm - misc - by pampa31 (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

#21503523
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29018) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/14/2015 at 2:29am - love - by Haitwun (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my girlfriend is a full-on, wants-to-be-banged-by-a-horse furry. FML

#21503215
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26082) - you deserved it (3196)

On 12/13/2015 at 6:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

#21503177
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (3075)

On 12/13/2015 at 2:45am - love - by disgusted (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

#21502954
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19950) - you deserved it (6614)

On 12/12/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Ihadnoidea (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

#21502817
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20300) - you deserved it (2273)

On 12/12/2015 at 2:14am - misc - by shat (man) - United States (California)



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