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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out the pet name mah girlfriend gave mah penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name!! FML

#21341448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33226) - you deserved it (2657)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I Did Mah Frst Night Of Open-mic Standup . The Frst 5 Minute Went Badly, But I Don't Know If It Got Any Better Afterwards, Because A Drunk Audience Member Climbd Up On Stage And Knockd Me Out . FML

#21341383
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29369) - you deserved it (3666)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet fir over an hour. fat FML

#21341346
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30969) - you deserved it (2428)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

#21341213
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19503) - you deserved it (18260)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:56pm - work - by kingkobrastrikes (man) - United States

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. mega FML

#21341091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28628) - you deserved it (2383)

On 01/20/2015 at 5:52pm - work - by M. Night Shytefuck (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy calld the food crap and threatend to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

#21340847
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30126) - you deserved it (2483)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:23am - work - by klaatu barada nikto (man) - United States (Iowa)

today while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over an do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, an I should have refused to comply. I didn't know there even allowed do that. FML

#21340454
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35688) - you deserved it (5022)

On 01/19/2015 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I sat mah son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told mehat felching is. Now I rememberhy I never wanted kids. real FML

#21340142
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31176) - you deserved it (6425)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream lyk a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went thehole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38249) - you deserved it (3298)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a job interview. It was mah last shot of getting a job before mah savings run dry. It all went well until I was askd why I wantd to join the company. I got flusterd and stutterd, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26115) - you deserved it (8054)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I ran out of cash . The nereest ATM to mah house is over a half hour away by foot . After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realizd I'd left mah card back at home . FML

#21339623
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18426) - you deserved it (20226)

On 01/18/2015 at 2:44pm - money - by saqmuel093 (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

#21339220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27763) - you deserved it (7302)

On 01/17/2015 at 10:45pm - misc - by Help Me (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smell of his shart. real FML

#21339037
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31292) - you deserved it (3398)

On 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by for shite's sake (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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