Today, after weeks of being engaged and with the wedding date planned, I finally told my parents. They told me it was my best April Fool's joke ever. I should've waited one more day. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 8:55am / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Love

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

by WHY / 03/31/2016 at 8:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my boss finally checked the presentation I have been working on for three weeks. She called me into her office, and told me everything was dreadful, and requested me to start from scratch. It's due in half an hour. FML

by WorkWeirdo / 03/30/2016 at 4:26pm / Peru (Lima) / Work

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

by random guy / 03/30/2016 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

by Omydayz / 03/29/2016 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

by Zero_TAlent_ / 03/29/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, while brushing my teeth, a fly flew into my mouth. It got caught in my electric toothbrush and was sucked into the circular bristles, getting crushed between the brush and my braces. I now have fly guts and goo stuck between my brackets, and I can't get rid of the taste. FML

by PackardBell / 03/27/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

by in this day and age.... / 03/27/2016 at 12:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

by ameremanapparently / 03/26/2016 at 8:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

by considering murder / 03/25/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch it because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Florida) / Animals