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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Duluxe". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML

#21257403
89 comments

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

#21257049
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39426) - you deserved it (3084)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

#21257037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43216) - you deserved it (2714)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39193) - you deserved it (2566)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
152 comments

Today, I entered the lecture hall where my class takes place. I sat in the front row as usual, but I noticed that none of the other students looked familiar. I quickly realised that I was in the wrong class after a different professor showed up and told me to get out. FML

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (2989)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30 foot wide entrance, but not the two foot wide tree. FML

#21255774
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36270) - you deserved it (3477)

On 09/10/2014 at 4:15pm - misc - by Crash (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35500) - you deserved it (3938)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36691) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I looked at a girl's profile on a dating website, and it told her I'd visited it. Later on, she sent me a message. It said: "Don't even think about it." FML



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