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Man or woman?

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

#21505729
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27680) - you deserved it (1536)

On 12/20/2015 at 3:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

#21505367
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9187) - you deserved it (24196)

On 12/19/2015 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts on here. I laughed hysterically at one, then noticed my parents shooting me outraged looks. Turned out I laughed while a news reporter was talking about a brutal rape that just happened in our city. FML

#21505195
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22489) - you deserved it (2988)

On 12/18/2015 at 3:46pm - misc - by for the whored (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

#21505182
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22361) - you deserved it (1940)

On 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

#21505100
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20555) - you deserved it (6818)

On 12/18/2015 at 9:15am - intimacy - by brokebackanus (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

#21505056
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19502) - you deserved it (6712)

On 12/18/2015 at 3:33am - misc - by Zyopy (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finished polishing a song I was working on for my girlfriend. The next words out of her mouth when we next spoke: "I want to break up." FML

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

#21504867
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11476) - you deserved it (19941)

On 12/17/2015 at 4:37pm - kids - by 117halo12345 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

#21504691
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24685) - you deserved it (2125)

On 12/17/2015 at 4:10am - intimacy - by NotSoComfortable (man) - Italy (Veneto)

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

#21504401
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20458) - you deserved it (1992)

On 12/16/2015 at 10:28am - kids - by anon (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

#21504325
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20228) - you deserved it (1294)

On 12/16/2015 at 3:58am - health - by chamberpottime (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

#21504186
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20286) - you deserved it (1529)

On 12/15/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by fmltom (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

#21503854
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26005) - you deserved it (5454)

On 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by Moth_Balled (man) - Australia



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