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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34339) - you deserved it (3047)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

#21234023
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45766) - you deserved it (2866)

On 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

#21233543
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33185) - you deserved it (19556)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by ThatsNotGrass (man) - Canada

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49782) - you deserved it (19633)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39655) - you deserved it (11804)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42090) - you deserved it (6118)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

#21233010
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37284) - you deserved it (2573)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by I already have one, thanks (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38471) - you deserved it (12810)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

#21232602
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (7353)

On 08/08/2014 at 3:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

#21231691
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26342) - you deserved it (37959)

On 08/07/2014 at 11:36am - health - by Dancing King (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44030) - you deserved it (3845)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

#21231175
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37535) - you deserved it (2488)

On 08/06/2014 at 7:33pm - work - by TzarErik (man) - United States (Colorado)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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