Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34885) - you deserved it (2818)
On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)
Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41192) - you deserved it (5715)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33687) - you deserved it (4160)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:30am - misc - by dafuqdidisee (man) - United States (California)
Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50077) - you deserved it (2759)
On 05/18/2013 at 7:15pm - health - by mackmackey (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37579) - you deserved it (5723)
On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37210) - you deserved it (3868)
On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30401) - you deserved it (4099)
On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I received a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41094) - you deserved it (2948)
On 05/18/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by JACKxRAWR (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43263) - you deserved it (11554)
On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36217) - you deserved it (9941)
On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43327) - you deserved it (4508)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands
Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37073) - you deserved it (6516)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30215) - you deserved it (14071)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Friday 24 May 2013
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