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Man or woman?

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

#21317298
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32500) - you deserved it (3586)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by dating a moron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

#21317150
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30899) - you deserved it (2344)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:50am - work - by wallamanut (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

#21316969
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29824) - you deserved it (3651)

On 12/13/2014 at 8:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

#21316839
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30825) - you deserved it (2895)

On 12/13/2014 at 3:21pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29578) - you deserved it (2753)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31093) - you deserved it (2449)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33628) - you deserved it (4192)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36834) - you deserved it (2639)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's the last night before a concert. Today is also the day my brother pawned my clarinet for drug money. FML

#21315391
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30756) - you deserved it (2008)

On 12/11/2014 at 12:44am - money - by noshow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

#21315008
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32455) - you deserved it (3200)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by unlovedandunfucked (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

#21314927
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30881) - you deserved it (2447)

On 12/10/2014 at 9:05am - misc - by NotAnInLawFamilyMan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31650) - you deserved it (5266)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

#21313515
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30431) - you deserved it (3662)

On 12/08/2014 at 12:03am - misc - by BedazzledAlpaca (man) - United States (Colorado)



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