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Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30431) - you deserved it (2592)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (2115)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

#21416018
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23721) - you deserved it (2284)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:12am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

#21415900
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12871) - you deserved it (40726)

On 05/26/2015 at 2:54am - money - by stupid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

#21415859
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25089) - you deserved it (1798)

On 05/26/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by meh (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

#21415404
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25055) - you deserved it (1528)

On 05/25/2015 at 7:39am - health - by Hooperist (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22558) - you deserved it (5899)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25485) - you deserved it (2228)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24980) - you deserved it (2945)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

#21414323
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26010) - you deserved it (2587)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:51am - kids - by DaoOfPow (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26789) - you deserved it (2100)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25912) - you deserved it (2805)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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