Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

#21448499
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10874) - you deserved it (610)

On 07/28/2015 at 9:14am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18588) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19320) - you deserved it (1934)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

#21447669
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17800) - you deserved it (1619)

On 07/26/2015 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

#21447538
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19034) - you deserved it (1601)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:55pm - love - by suosi (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

#21447515
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20330) - you deserved it (2281)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm - misc - by arch maester shavayalsharashion (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

#21447496
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21561) - you deserved it (1794)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

#21447461
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14571) - you deserved it (10767)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

#21447294
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25344) - you deserved it (2246)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by TheAce44 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

#21446986
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24904) - you deserved it (1644)

On 07/25/2015 at 11:51am - love - by WhoLikesPie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

#21446817
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19062) - you deserved it (2695)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11765) - you deserved it (21991)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." 2 hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

#21446551
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20424) - you deserved it (4447)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Northern Mariana Islands



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: