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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7165) - you deserved it (1189)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6927) - you deserved it (617)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9477) - you deserved it (989)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13238) - you deserved it (3876)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

#21281960
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13156) - you deserved it (867)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by sushipanda9 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (2148)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24849) - you deserved it (2408)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22231) - you deserved it (5651)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

#21280817
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (4814)

On 10/19/2014 at 12:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29474) - you deserved it (2982)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31651) - you deserved it (2714)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

#21280487
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33553) - you deserved it (2373)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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