Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1498) - you totally deserved it (4398)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (225) - you totally deserved it (485)
On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1639) - you totally deserved it (6465)
On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML
I agree, your life sucks (2350) - you totally deserved it (215)
On 11/20/2009 at 4:30am - love - by ApparentlyIFail (man) - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML
I agree, your life sucks (6428) - you totally deserved it (795)
On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8805) - you totally deserved it (1641)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1283) - you totally deserved it (9116)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, as I left class I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted "Let go!". I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2848) - you totally deserved it (8182)
On 11/19/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by betamaxjim (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)
Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12162) - you totally deserved it (850)
On 11/19/2009 at 10:53am - health - by nolips (man) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I was mowing the lawn and needed bugspray. I grabbed the first can of "off" I saw. Turns out "Easy Off" oven cleaner doesn't repell bugs, but it does give you third degree burns everywhere on your body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4261) - you totally deserved it (12202)
On 11/19/2009 at 6:36am - health - by fishmike (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11055) - you totally deserved it (2088)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)
Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2473) - you totally deserved it (10213)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2406) - you totally deserved it (199)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
