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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

#21461238
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11591) - you deserved it (3226)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:37am - work - by Anon (man) - United States

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

#21461220
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13530) - you deserved it (1014)

On 08/27/2015 at 2:46am - misc - by philip708 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

#21460557
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21607) - you deserved it (2947)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm - kids - by shit.jpg (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

#21460529
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15515) - you deserved it (5516)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

#21460521
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23395) - you deserved it (1400)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19673) - you deserved it (4928)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20924) - you deserved it (1376)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19908) - you deserved it (1281)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

#21460168
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (1398)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Liguria)

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

#21460121
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19056) - you deserved it (2016)

On 08/24/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

#21460101
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24437) - you deserved it (2240)

On 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML

#21459683
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19999) - you deserved it (4862)

On 08/23/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Arrkyna (man) -



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