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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

#21425418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25110) - you deserved it (2435)

On 06/13/2015 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36966) - you deserved it (4153)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

#21425373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33412) - you deserved it (1687)

On 06/13/2015 at 8:42am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

#21425364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28352) - you deserved it (1758)

On 06/13/2015 at 7:45am - work - by notfuckingpaidenough - United States (California)

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

#21425208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22714) - you deserved it (7787)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by alyssaamarante - United States (New York)

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

#21425191
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (11154)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:06pm - work - by nancypants1124 - United States

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

#21425187
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (1763)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:56pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

#21425174
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27951) - you deserved it (5756)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by silverspud - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

#21425087
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25880) - you deserved it (2036)

On 06/12/2015 at 5:09pm - misc - by BrakesNotBumpers (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

#21424928
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (2021)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:25am - misc - by rcarn - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

#21424919
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24265) - you deserved it (10214)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:42am - health - by fisted (man) - United States (New York)

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

#21424908
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23436) - you deserved it (2072)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:02am - misc - by Jules7594 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

#21424841
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23498) - you deserved it (6675)

On 06/12/2015 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Pattie (woman) - United States (California)



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