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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

#21335369
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31748) - you deserved it (2581)

On 01/11/2015 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17664) - you deserved it (25903)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26105) - you deserved it (3131)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

#21334864
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30299) - you deserved it (6364)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:56am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

#21334755
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26508) - you deserved it (3838)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by so much for romance - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28789) - you deserved it (2435)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34608) - you deserved it (2351)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

#21334531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24102) - you deserved it (4258)

On 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

#21334513
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28685) - you deserved it (2875)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:22pm - misc - by gotta_respond (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (9971)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

#21334376
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42865) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/10/2015 at 8:45am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

#21334215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26107) - you deserved it (1907)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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