Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

#21456323
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22574) - you deserved it (1645)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:47am - work - by bruised - United States (Florida)

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

#21456316
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23239) - you deserved it (1594)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband decided he would rather be with his mistress than with me while I gave birth to our first child. FML

#21456262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25812) - you deserved it (2031)

On 08/15/2015 at 4:22am - love - by MissyPants - United States (California)

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

Today, I went to the mall and was persistently asked to try one of the curling irons at a kiosk. I don't like to use heat on my hair, but I reluctantly agreed. The iron burned off a good chunk of hair from the back of my head. FML

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

#21456159
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19362) - you deserved it (1567)

On 08/14/2015 at 10:09pm - money - by BrandNewLemon - United States (California)

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

#21456120
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20273) - you deserved it (1572)

On 08/14/2015 at 7:38pm - kids - by Tyrez (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

#21456100
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22849) - you deserved it (1809)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by maybe if i was paid like them i would (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

#21456098
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22771) - you deserved it (2549)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm - animals - by Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

#21455978
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (1940)

On 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Brooke (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

#21455882
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23103) - you deserved it (1959)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:08am - misc - by jonloran - United States (Nevada)

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

#21455862
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20715) - you deserved it (1767)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:01am - animals - by MushyKetchup (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24262) - you deserved it (2432)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: