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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

#21232717
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46213) - you deserved it (3161)

On 08/08/2014 at 6:53pm - love - by lonethong15 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36042) - you deserved it (11534)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

#21232602
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31460) - you deserved it (7337)

On 08/08/2014 at 3:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

#21232452
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35895) - you deserved it (5947)

On 08/08/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by freakedout (woman) - United States

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

#21231280
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38518) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/06/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by spitstopper - United States (Alabama)

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

#21231175
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36809) - you deserved it (2305)

On 08/06/2014 at 7:33pm - work - by TzarErik (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37609) - you deserved it (2585)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34215) - you deserved it (5550)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39393) - you deserved it (3597)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

#21230545
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35252) - you deserved it (3240)

On 08/05/2014 at 11:35pm - work - by ditched - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

#21230350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36433) - you deserved it (8823)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm - misc - by spekledworf (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37540) - you deserved it (2496)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44078) - you deserved it (6859)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)



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